Today I envy Norbert. He doesn’t work. He can sleep whenever he wants for as long as he wants. Today I would have liked to stay home and just relax. But it wasn’t all bad. One of the people I care for was having a really hard time. She had been in a serious car accident just after losing her husband. It’s getting to be too much. I get that. She’s youngish. She’s grieving. And the pain medications are not working to help relive the pain from the accident. She kept apologizing to me. I finally sat her down and asked her why she was apologizing and what was happening for her today. She’s just… lost. Her whole world is gone. She doesn’t know how to create a new life without her husband. And she feels immense guilt because she believes that allowing herself to grieve is not okay. I asked her what it would take for her to feel her grief is valid. How bad does it have to get? How much more does she have to go through? If a neighbour was dealing with all she had gone through this year, would she think that the neighbour should just be grateful for a roof over her head? She got my point. I encouraged her to just sit with her sadness. It’s okay. It’s okay to be angry and sad just as much as it’s okay to be happy and silly. We actually talked for about 45 minutes and when I left she felt better, she told me so. And I felt better because I connected in a deep and meaningful way with another human. When I left she looked beyond exhausted and she promised me she was going to have a nap.
I wish there was a way to opt-out of all news. Maybe a chip in my brain that turns off noise when anything news worthy comes on. Because Trump continues to be a fucking asshole and his followers will follow him blindly no matter what he does or says. Personally, I don’t give a shit about Tonya Harding. Okay, I did find the story of the runner hiding in port-a-potties funny. He was stripped of his medals and title. Cheating has never made sense to me. What’s the point? At any rate, along with stripping him of his titles he is banned from future events and they are “refunding his registration fee”. I’m sure the shame off all of it was manageable until his registration fee was refunded. That would have been his doing in. One question. Are the port-a-potties in the picture the actual port-a-potties he hid in or are they just stock photos?
I am so tired tonight. No desire to proofread. Good night lovelies.
Well, aren’t I the posting queen? Two posts in two days.
Being 2018, we decided to step into the 21st. century and get a flat screen television. The one we had been watching was at least 20 years old and the size, almost, of an Austin Mini. Surely it weighed as much. We were expecting to spend days and days getting the new TV set up but it only took about 30 minutes. It is especially exciting because it has Netflix capability. Now I can force my husband to watch all my favourite shows. Ha!
Today I replied to a comment about crafting and remembered that I had a cross-stitch that has been sitting for ages and ages. Now that I have new glasses I dug it out and started it again. It’s huge and will probably take me at least a year. Or 3. Or 13. I have done the J in January so far.
Also, today I found a cat puzzle that I got for Christmas last year. I completely forgot about it. Yay for cat puzzles! I also cleaned out the top of my dresser and got rid of 3 items. Actually, I donated 3 items and recycled a bunch of paper and glass essential oil bottles. Mostly I was completely lazy and did nothing. No. That is a lie. I disassembled a planter we got for Christmas that was full of mites and took the last of the Christmas decorations out to the shed. And did laundry. Then I was lazy and did nothing.
Here is Norbert’s wind-up bug that I now see is a butterfly. It goes across the floor and flaps it’s wings. He hates/loves it. I think it makes him feel powerful and fierce.
It is odd how inconsequential my life is. My day mostly consists of the following.
Wake up around 6:00.
Start work at 7:00.
Go to pre-work work huddle.
Hand out a lot of medications. A lot.
Put on a 3000 pairs of compression stockings.
Got same people dressed.
Do some reporting.
Have a nap. (This actually almost never happens.)
Have a bath.
Go to bed.
My life is not exciting.
Seriously, so little going on. The big event of the week was getting our $500.00 rebate check for our $6000.00 furnace installation. Before I thought it was $5000.00 but I realized this week that I had added wrong.
Today is my day off and and I had some fasting bloodwork. I was so hungry by the time it was done that I went and got a donut at Tim Horton’s. I was a little short with the phlebotomist because I hadn’t eaten in 16 hours. I know it’s only supposed to be 10 hours for fasting but I was trying to tie it in with another appointment. Anyway, I apologized for being cranky.
Today I found this little wind-up toy bug that throws Norbert into a rage. He clearly thinks it’s real. I got it in a $1.00 grab bag. Best spent dollar ever. The bag also had a ladybug yo-yo. And a Rice Krispie that I gave to my husband. And another yo-yo that lights up. And a glittery star fish.
And this is the sign on the bathroom wall of my counselling office.
And here is my new hat that I got at my counselling appointment. Some nice soul made hats for women who have dealt with trauma. It made me happy.
So, it’s the last day of 2017 and I will be going to bed around 9ish. Then the new year will roll around and the fireworks will wake me up and then I won’t be able to get back to sleep. Maybe it’s a good night for CBD/THC. And earplugs.
We are not doing anything special tonight. I am making buffalo wings in my Actifry. And I’m washing my hair. Why is that noteworthy? I don’t know. It’s just what I am doing tonight. Tomorrow I will be up at 6:30. It’s one of the reasons I do not like my job. I never get a long weekend. Ever. It would be so nice to have 3 days off in a row. In the next 9 months I have one week off. I’m pretty sure I complained about this a few posts back but quite frankly, it’s gruelling. My job takes so much out of the workers. All of us are tired. All of us are burnt out. We need long weekends.
I bought a new blanket for my bed today that I thought was 100% cotton but it turns out to be polyester. Fuck. I hate polyester. It chafes and doesn’t breathe and makes me itchy. Didn’t want to waste money so I put it on the bed anyway. It’s between 2 cotton blankets so maybe I won’t freak out. Last summer I bought what said to be bamboo bed sheets for $40.00. If they have ever been anywhere near bamboo I will eat my hat. I made the bed all nice and was looking forward to crawling in. Crawled in. Clearly not bamboo. 2 minutes later I am getting hot. 5 minutes I am freaking out but decided to power through and stop being so weird when it comes to fabrics of the non-cotton variety. 6 minutes I have a meltdown, get out of bed, rip the “bamboo” sheets off and they have been in the closet ever since. Actually, 2 sets. Because I was foolish enough to think it was too good of a deal to only buy 1. If it sounds too good to be true….
Okay, bloggers. Happy New Year!
This makes me cry because I’m so proud. My little girl who was in the 3rd percentile for years. My wee child who was sick more than she was well. My baby who had such low muscle tone she never did crawl and didn’t walk until she was 18 months.
So strong, look at her legs, yet every Highland judge who sees her dance is in awe at how dainty she is. A 5’ 2 powerhouse! 🙂
I’m so proud. How did I manage to produce such an amazing human?
Here’s my girl. If you could comment here and not on the YouTube page I would appreciate it. The YouTube page is not mine.
The holidays always come so quick and then in a blink they are over for another year.
First, let me give you a bit of background on my husband’s father. My husband was adopted and recently received details on his adoptive family. Apparently, after my husband was adopted, Child Protective Services was called three times in the first few weeks of his adoption. Yelling and fighting and things being thrown around, the documents stated. The person who “investigated” the matter was a drinking buddy of his adoptive father and all concerns were dismissed. The abuse continued. The father tried to kill the entire family twice. He put the family dog out in the snow and the dog froze to death. Just a couple of examples of the evil that my husband endured. For years, my husband and I looked at obituaries after Christmas and joke about who “had the audacity to die on Christmas Day”. It has always been a joke because a death on Christmas Day fucks the day forever, a final fuck you to the world. Guess who died on Christmas Day? My husband’s father. It will seem so odd but I am angry. I have always believed in our final days we can choose when we die. I work with a lot of palliative patients and have seen it countless times. I have no doubt that this was his final send off, an asshole leaving a legacy of brokenness and heartache. I feel sad for my husband but there is no love lost here. I just feel angry that one of the most horrible people I have ever known has ruined Christmas for my husband forever.
Yeah. So there’s that.
I am on a regular day off right now and am now dreading winter. I got through most of November and December because I had some lieu days to use up and then looking forward to Christmas helped. Now there is not a lot to look forward to and I have one week off in the next nine months. I have no idea how I am going to get through it. I know I need to stay in the moment but there is no way this is going to be easy. I’m tired already.
Tonight is my final weigh-in of the year. I didn’t hit my goal weight, about 2 pounds to go, but oh well. Close enough! I’m pretty proud of myself. It’s taken me 16 months to lose almost 40 pounds and that is good.
For those of you that practice Mindfulness and meditate I want to tell you about an app called Buddhify. It’s absolutely the best app I have ever used. It’s about $7.00 and worth every penny. https://buddhify.com
I started this post with a bunch of thoughts but now I can’t remember them. So that’s that for now.