18

Updatedly-dately-doo

Well, how about a blog post? The power is out here and I am on battery backup with no internet connection. This will go through when the power comes back on.

We had an epic storm here today. The power is out almost everywhere. There is a school close by where the kids are trapped because of a downed power line. There are trees and power lines down that are closing off entire neighbourhoods and people can’t get in or out. I however, am safe and sound inside my home with my husband. My daughter and son are safe in their own homes. Since our power is out I had to hook up the old fashioned way and used the old dial phone. I told my kids to NOT go out because the wind gusts are dangerous and there are no street lights. At the moment they both have power but they live close to the hospital. We live close to the hospital too but they are closer.

Life continues to be so very good. As you know I quit my job. $6.00 less an hour. No benefits. No pension. Best of all, NO STRESS! I come home and have not a care in the world. I do not miss my old job even a little bit. I gave that job all my heart, all my love and never once shirked responsibility. When I fell at work and tore my rotator cuff my employer not only did not give a shit but fought me to the bitter end trying to prove I did not injure my shoulder at work. I know I did. I would stake the life on my children on that. But in the end, they won. I lost. And I lost my belief that working hard and doing a good job meant something. The experience changed me in the most fundamental way. I got depressed and lost my desire to work hard and do a good job. I became despondent and stopped caring. I still loved the people I cared for but my heart was no longer caring for the company I work for. So, I quit. My new job is completely meaningless. I go to work and work on a keyboard all day processing claims so people with severe disabilities can get much needed medical equipment. This week a one young woman in particular got a new power chair and she was so happy! The best part is it was fully funded and she did not have to pay a penny. Yay! All day long I see a people being cared for by the system of Universal Health Care. How great is that?

I saw my psychiatrist this week. Guess what? I am no longer his patient because I have been discharged from his care because I am doing so well. It is not just the job. It is the new medication I am on. It took me doing my own research and discovering that I have a unique type of depression called Diurnal Mood Variation that doesn’t respond to SSRI’s but instead responds to SSNRI’s. I have taken SSRI’s for years and never felt really good or happy. I have written so many posts talking about The Black Dog lurking in my neighbourhood or yard or sitting with me on the couch. Right now, he doesn’t even exist anymore. He is just… gone. There are fleeting moments when I remember him. When my psychiatrist told me he was discharging me a very small bit of panic washed over me and was gone me as quickly as it came. It is very frustrating to think if just one doctor over the years had sat and asked me the right questions I would have been saved years and years of desperation and sadness.

I continue to go to Unity and am in love. I love the message. I love the people. And best of all, I am loved. People phone me and email me and send me messages on Facebook. You know, things people do when they are thinking about you? Things people do when they care. I am getting to know so many people I can’t keep up remember their names. One lady, Sharron (Hi Sharron!) reads me blog occasionally. Do you all know that I have never given my blog address to someone I know? Why? Because I never trusted anyone before. I trust the people at Unity. I wish I had a church like this years ago.

Well, it is absolutely pitch black and writing this is giving me a headache. It hurts my eyes so I can’t proofread so I hope everything makes sense. I will post another time about some exciting plans for the new year. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Year.

Namaste.

17

Well, holy moly it has been almost a month since I posted. And about as equally as long since I have read blogs. Guess what? I started a new job and I am loving it. It is for a medical supply company that provides medical equipment for people with more serious medical needs. I do the billing and data entry. The best part is most people are not paying for their equipment and it’s proivded by workers compensation, automobile insurance or the Ministry. Many of the clients were born with physical and mental challenges and need specialized equipment for the activities of daily living. I bill companies and not the individual for items like power wheelchairs, hospital beds, bathroom equipment and strollers for adults. It is Monday – Friday 8:30 – 4:30 and I will be working about 32 hours a week. And the absolute best, best, best part is I get to choose my own hours. All they care about is that I get my work done and not when I do it. That means weekends off. All holidays off. I dont start work at the gawd awful hour of 7:00 and I come home when it is still light out. Yahoo! It is so nice to feel happy every day. I am not tired anymore.  I am not depressed.  I dont wake up and feel dread.  For any of you that have been reading my blog for a long time know that this is epic

Norbert  sends his regards.  He started wearing his Christmas collartoday.   He is very happy too.

30

It is one of those days when I feel just blah. This cold continues to hang on. Last night I was so cold when I went to bed. The heat was cranked and I had three shirts on, flannel bottoms and thick fuzzy socks and I was still cold. Then around midnight I woke up soaked in sweat so I stripped down to just a T-shirt and bottoms. Normally I keep my bedroom around 10 C but last night it was near 20. And then after I finally fell asleep some twit was lighting fireworks and woke me up.

Anyway, today I am tried and cranky and I feel fat and blob like. I look like a stump or a sausage.

Sigh…

I actually had a very beautiful morning and it was warm and sunny. I decided to become a member of Unity and was given a yellow rose. Of course I cried because I have never been so loved and accepted at any church ever. Most churches want to tell you want a bad sinner and they focus on all the areas you need improvement. Unity focuses on the Divinity in all of us and celebrates that. Even when you have a bad cold and feel like a sausage.

27

I suppose I should post. I have been sick with a cold and have been reading blogs but its the kind of cold where it is just too much effort to comment. Its the kind of cold where its too much effort to go back and put apostrophes in the two times I typed its. Three times now.

Our weird neighbours just walked by. The never talk to anyone else on the street and keep to themselves except when starting disputes. My husband and I always wave to them but they never wave back. They also stare into our front room window when walking by. Maybe I should start giving them the bird.

Here is a picture from my kitchen window.

And here is a picture of Norbert watching his squirrels and birds. He isn’t allowed off the deck and now that he is getting to be an old cat he seems quite content to stay there.

And here is a picture of the dough from the cinnamon buns I made yesterday in my cast iron. “It’s a happy little loaf!” Bonus points if you know where that quote is from without looking it up.

And this. Last night I had a dream that I voted for Trump. This is weird in the fact that I am not American but mostly I woke up and thought WTF? But in this same dream I was stuck in a huge labyrinth type building that I could not get out of and that was filling with water. In the dream even my right leaning and very religious friend could not understand why I was voting for him.

One thing you might not know about me is I have never been very good with plants. And the plants I manage not to kill are killed by Norbert. It makes me so happy to see that my African violet has grown huge and is even ready to bloom. Her name is Ayana which is African for pretty bloom. The pencil is so you can see how big this plant is.

Norbert is acting weird. Or weirder than normal. He was just trying to hide and when I looked up and saw him he did a little hop and ran away.

I have to go. Four firefighters are going door-to-door and checking smoke detectors.

47

Soup is in the big cast iron pot. It’s “Chicken Tomato Black Bean Pea Buttermilk Soup”. Basically it’s all the leftovers from my fridge. It’s actually very good because I know how to make a good soup.

Yesterday I mowed the back lawn and washed some more windows with my super cleaner. 1 cup dish soap and 1 cup cleaning (10%) vinegar. Windows are the cleanest they have ever been. Today I just puttered about and did some dusting and a few loads of laundry. Beds were changed and the bathroom was cleaned. And I added another 8 people to my family tree. Those 8 people all married and had children. You would think that would only take a few minutes but the reality is it can take hours. You have to check and recheck and then check again. One error can lead to massive problems and it’s easier to get the information correct in the first place. I have made mistakes in the past that had to be unwound and it took weeks.

Well. I wrote that sometime last week and obviously walked away.

Today I scrubbed moss off the front steps and walkway because they turn into an ice rink in the winter. It came right off with my super duper cleaner. I also made Maggie Cookies. Mostly I just can’t wait for bedtime. My husband has a cold and I feel like I am getting it now.

We had a municipal election here yesterday and 4 of the 8 people I voted for got elected. I was happy about that. Our former city council was a national embarrassment with unending chaos.

Oh! Last week I went to a soap making class. It was in a home that is about 1 minute from where I live.

This is my good friend M. We have known each other for a bobillion years.

Measuring coconut oil to the exact gram.

Almost finished.

Swirly tops for my soap.

Our finished soaps.

My friends M, K, M, and myself. They have since been cut and are now drying.

20

My Women’s Group

The group I attend is called We@ving Our V0ices. I am being all cryptic on purpose to protect privacy. It is a free, open group that any woman can attend who has experienced abuse or trauma. Because of the huge waiting list to get into counselling the facilitators decided to have an open group to “focus on building knowledge, sharing wisdom and strengthening support through a cycle of topics that encourage awareness rather than disclosure of personal trauma stories. The group format provides a high level of safety and containment to support the development of safety, stability and healing for women affected by violence. By remaining open it allows for changing as well as continuing membership.”

The format used is basically the same each week. There are four questions using the similar wording and only the topic word is changed. For example, last week the topic was Judgement. The first question was, “what comes to mind when you hear the word judgement?” The floor is open and women are encouraged to share their experience or knowledge. If a woman does not want to talk, that is okay. Each bullet is a thought from a woman in the group. We talk about each bullet, sometimes at length. This last week there were 9 of us plus 2 facilitators.

The next question.

And this one,

And then the last question,

We talk for an hour then take a break then do an art project. You have to know, I am not at all artistic but that’s not the point. It’s about sitting and thoughtfully thinking about the topic and words and how we feel about them. The topic of Judgement led me to the thought of Heart Centered Judgment. About how I and we as women need to judge ourselves with loving kindness, gentleness, wisdom, mindfulness, authenticity, caring, courage and compassion.

When judging ourselves we need to dig deeper, to really get to the real answer. For example, when I am angry I want to go deeper to understand why I am angry and not judge myself about the anger. Anyway, I won’t go into why I chose each word. I just did and they have meaning to me.

I now have a big box full of my art projects. I look at them when I am struggling.

This group is powerful and has helped me so much. We have women from all different backgrounds and we help each other. I have never felt judged, only loved and accepted.

22

A few days back I came in contact with a second cousin, twice removed. We found each other on Find-a-Grave. Yes. Finding graves is a thing. It’s something I have done for people who may live somewhere in the world and want to see a picture of a headstone. If you live in say, England, you can’t just make a trip to across the world just to see a headstone so you can put a request in and someone from FAG will go find it for you. Also, the volunteers will photograph entire cemeteries and add them to Find-a-Grave. Anyway… I had tried to link some families but made an error so I contacted the photographer and we discovered we were related. He sent me 4 pages of geneology and now I am cross eyed from adding dates to my tree. And I only finished 1/3 of 1 page. But I love it.

I just remembered something that I do. It’s another bit of information that you don’t know about me. In the picture above do you see Norbert’s teepee? In the front of his teepee is an advertisement for cat food. The thing you don’t know about me is I cut out articles or pictures of things that might interest Norbert and give them to him.

The weather here has been exceptional. It’s absolutely gorgeous. A perfect fall day. Warm and sunny but the nights are cool.

Tomorrow I am going to post at what happens at my woman’s group and some of the projects I have done.