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How often do I have so much to say but at the same time can’t come up with any words?

Cosby. As he tucks himself into his hard cot tonight with scratchy blankets and thin bed linens is he thinking at all of what he did? Is he thinking of all of the lives he has changed? Will he stop even for a moment to consider the ruin his actions have caused? Or is he still in deep denial and only thinking of how difficult he has it now and the hard cot and the scratchy blankets and thin bed linens? I do have to say that this one is so sad. I loved Bill Cosby. The best gift I ever gave my mom was two tickets to see him in concert. He had everything. Why did he have to resort to drugging and raping! Why?

Today I went for my sleep clinic follow-up. It was via teleconference and the doctor was not helpful or at all interested in talking with me. He told me he wanted me to start on Lyrica and to make an appointment on my way out to see him again in 6 months. I had to force myself to get a word in to question how often I am waking up in an hour (27) and how often my legs move in a minute (147). I didn’t bother to ask him questions about the Lyrica or other possible treatments. There was no point. He was an ‘old boys club’ kind of MD and would not take kindly to me telling him he can shove his prescription where the sun doesn’t shine and I will only take it after I have exhausted all other treatment options. Even then I will only take it if I’m desperate. I also didn’t tell him that I am on a Facebook group for Periodic Limb Movement Disorder and the people there have already helped me more than he has. I walked out feeling extremely grateful for my own doctor who is kind and looks at me when he asks questions and is genuinely interested in not only how I am but who I am.

Here is a picture for Mary Moon. Five Maurices! This picture makes me so happy.

And so does this one.

And here is my daughter all snaggle-toothed years before she got braces and Norbert wearing a dress. I think this was the day that Norbert got into a bad mood and never turned back.

Okay. One more. Another picture of Norbert dressed up. This time it’s as a unicorn. Daughter did this too.

Is anyone still reading? Do you want the last 2 minutes of your life back?

14

Weekend

What has been happening in the nest of Birdie? Yesterday I cut up and cored 8 pounds of apples that will be make into more applesauce. It just needs to be put into that vacuum sealer thing. It has a name but it escapes me at the moment. I also made apple cider vinegar from the cores.

In the afternoon I went to a Peace Day Celebration. This was the dedication of the labyrinth.

Here a First Nations Elder gives a blessing. The feathers on her hat spun, spun, spun round and round. Video is 3 seconds so you can see.

Then there was some doves. They were actually homing pigeons. They made everyone so happy!

And today someone shared this picture of my son and daughter at their stepsister ‘s wedding. I love this picture so much.

This is another spider meme for Debra over at She Who Seeks.

And some Norbert porn to end this post.

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I have been canning. Oh, yes I have. Today I finally got some pears done. 9 hours of work and 7 jars to show for it. 7. Okay, that is a lie. It was about 2 1/2 hours of work and 7 jars. Maybe it will be like making kombucha and I will get faster over time but right now I am absolutely exhausted and don’t want to move again until bedtime.

Yesterday I made salsa. Again… so much work for only 5 jars. But the recipe is delicious and it works out so cheap. Unfortunately, I didn’t process the jars properly and will have to empty all the jars out into freezer bags but I am not too upset. Making mistakes is a required part of learning. And that there shows that I have grown in the last 20 years because that would have had me in tears before and I never would have tried again.

Here is a funny Norbert story. When my husband was away I had gone to bed and couldn’t find my eyedrops. I figured they were on the floor and decided to look. At night I take off my pretty comforter because I don’t want it ruined and when I moved it there was a huge spider. I was going to catch and release it but when I came back with the cup it was gone. So I emailed my husband who was 2 hours away. This is the email I sent him.

Actually, I am not really afraid of spiders but I would have liked to have known where it went. Eventually I went to sleep. But the next day I woke up to this!

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Norbert, the very good and awesome cat hadn’t fled, he had chased it and killed it. He obviously had fun with it because it was almost as far away from my bedroom as it could get. Yay, Norbert! I gave him so many kisses which made him angry but I was so proud of him.

What else? A few nights back I was looking up Spanx because I wanted to know what all the excitement is about. Dear sweet mother of god. Are you kidding me? How do you get it off to go to the bathroom? I was looking at the pictures and though the model is smiling you can tell what she is really thinking.

“You will have to wait 45 minutes to have sex. I need to cut this Spanx off with scissors and will have to wait for the welts to disappear and for the blood to flow back into my legs. And oh yes, I actually weigh 417 pounds.

That thong underneath will need to be removed with brute force and pliers.

“I haven’t urinated in 22 1/2 hours and I think my kidneys have shut down.”

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A Murder/Suicide

Did that get your attention? Occasionally geneology is just sad and you never want to search again. That is one thing I discovered about my grandmother’s sister and her husband. It was one of the times I was actually shocked and stunned. I am blocking out names out of respect.

Suffice it to say I did not put any of this information on my tree but have kept the records in a private place.

And another sad one. An unwed mother, a workhouse and then vanished.

My third great grandmother had a baby out of wedlock. Was the father the boy next door? Was she raped? Was she molested? I will never know. But that isn’t the saddest part. This is Mary A E Dougherty. (Ignotus means unknown.)

Here it shows her as a single, unwed mother.

There is then a census showing her in a Weymouth workhouse.

And then she simply disappeared. 25 years old. Gone. You have to understand. Third great grandparents did not just disappear. I have researched all my 3rd great grandparents and have gone beyond them with no problem. They kept precise and excellent records in the 1800’s. But Mary just disappeared. At first I found a Mary Dougherty that was sent to Van Dieman’s land but she turned out to not be my Mary. The dates didn’t match. Then I looked into the workhouse records but after much searching I discovered that they had been lost in a fire. Every lead I researched diligently and each time I came up with nothing conclusive. Did she die in the workhouse? Did she leave? If she did she surely fell into prostitution. No man would have taken on “damaged goods” and there would have been no sustainable employment for her. I have checked later censuses to see if she went to live with her son but no, she didn’t show up there either. I imagine she is now in an unmarked paupers grave. And I want her to know that I have tried to lay her to rest. I want her to know that someone thinks about her and thanks her for her part in my life. And now you all know about her too.

21

As I suspected but has only been confirmed by one person, the girl on the far right is my grandma. I suspected this because when I looked at the picture I thought, holy shit, that is my forehead and brow. Anyway, my second cousin is going to ask her mom who is the daughter of one of these girls and confirm.

Some of you mentioned that you don’t have pictures of your family. When I started doing geneology about 10 years ago I only had a few. Actually, specifically 2 pictures. I have spent thousands of hours and went down hundreds of rabbit holes that led nowhere. I have researched 3rd cousins 4 times removed and found a lot of stuff that was pretty uninteresting like voting lists, lots and lots of voting lists. But then you hit gold like this one. The owner, a different second cousin than the one above, sent me an email on Ancestry then we became friends on Facebook then I got the picture of my grandma and her sisters. This picture is a result of a LOT of work.

On my dad’s side, I only had one picture of his dad. This was my grandfather.

As for his father, I am not even sure of his parents names or where he even came from. He just appeared one day and then left his wife, my great grandma, with 7 children to raise on her own, the fucking asshole. He went by the name Harry but I really don’t know if that was even true. But I continue to look and search archives and ship manifests. It is a labour of love. And sometimes a labour of disgust. Women in the 1920’s had no help from social services, child support, universal healthcare or woman’s housing. They just had to figure it out. My great grandma was a woman who got old before her time. I was named after her.

She was 52 here. She looks 80. That baby she is holding with the stunned look is me.

Anyway, of you ever start your search into your family history you will find these gems. And you will meet a lot of second and third cousins who will have photos.

10

Last night I got it into my head that I would change the look of my blog and 20 minutes later it was a disgusting red and looked like a stuck pig bled all over it, whatever that means. This morning I got up and just did not care even a little bit so reverted back to what I had so now you and I are stuck with it. If I don’t have the energy to change a shirt that is on backwards I am not going to change the look of my blog. Seriously, who has time for things like that? Well, I do but I would rather use that time watching Netflix or doing cross-stitch.

It was clean the house day. Well, everyday is clean the house but Monday is for changing the bedding and cleaning the bathrooms. In an earlier post I asked about line drying bed sheets in the house and I thought and thought of the easiest way. I wanted something inexpensive and also that could be taken down if we need to. Then I remembered these things.

It was only $2.08 at Amazon so I had it shipped with another order. My husband put up the hooks in the basement last night then I put it up when it arrived this afternoon. It went up lickety split. It is long enough to hold one set of bedsheets. Now I won’t have to use the dryer. In the grand scheme of things it is not even a drop in the ocean but I am trying. I am.

Norbert and I are on our own for two days. Norbert plans to sleep. I plan to do geneology, cross-stitch and housework. Baking some more of Maggie’s cookies is on my list of things I want to do. When I am alone Norbert stays upstairs with me. Why I do this makes no sense at all because he is just going to keep me awake but I like the company. On the geneology front I connected with another second cousin this week and she gave me this picture of my grandma and her sisters. Unfortunately I do not know who is who yet.

I am going to send it to a different second cousin and see if she can ask her mom who is 97 and might know. Did I ever mention that I have some super old people in my family? Some lived into their 100’s.

7

I started messing around with changing my header and now I hate it but I am too tired to fix it so I’m going to bed. Stay tuned…