15

It was a lovely Christmas. I know that I have an abundant blessing in having a family and stepfamily and extended family that love me. My step sister’s mom, my brother-in-law’s mom. Even my brother-in-law’s sister-in-law. She and I are getting together this week. We all get along and we laugh and care about one another. Everyone brings something good to the group. All of us in a 1200 sq. foot house, more food that any of us could ever eat, presents and music. It’s so good. So good.

Here’s a gratuitous Norbert picture, evil emblazoning itself.

And here is a cute little mouse made of a chocolate dipped maraschino cherry, a Hershey’s kiss and an Oreo. Almost too cute to eat.

Here’s a chaos picture.

And OMG! A picture of me that I like.

Well, I have tomorrow off. First Boxing Day off in 6 years. I will probably sleep in and change the beds and do laundry but it’s a day off and I need a day off. I’m becoming quite the vain vixen with all the recent selfies.

Okay. Sleep for me.

Merry Christmas.

8

For Anyone Who Struggles at Christmas

Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow…

Working every day. Missing so many relatives. Third cold in 6 weeks.

These are the original lyrics. If you find this time of year difficult, how do you muddle through?

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Let your heart be light

Next year all our troubles will be

Out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Make the yule-tide gay

Next year all our troubles will be

Miles away

Once again as in olden days

Happy golden days of yore

Faithful friends who were dear to us

Will be near to us once more

Someday soon, we all will be together

If the Fates allow

Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow

So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

8

5th Annual Box of Resentments

There wasn’t a lot to write this year. Basically I wrote that I wanted to let go of anger. There are a couple people in my life where I feel actual resentment. Anger. Honestly, I have felt hatred at times. Is it worth taking the time to post about it here? Probably not. Just when I find it in myself to let it go, something else happens and the cycle starts again . Do these people spend one second being upset about how I feel? Not at all. They are angry people who have continuous disputes with everyone around them. Does anyone know someone like that? You can’t look at them without being accused of a horrible deed. Their darkness pours on top of me. And I let it. Ah, life. It is so complicated, isn’t it?

If you have no idea what I am talking about go here.

https://ditchingthedog.blog/2016/11/19/the-4th-annual-box-of-resentments/

25

Well, that’s done. My new glasses were picked up yesterday after all. It was still snowing but we decided to go anyway. No, I did not drive. Because of the snow, Costco was not busy! Yay for that. But here’s a funny story. I’ve mentioned it before on this blog ad nauseam about Norbert being an inside cat. He tried again to escape to the outside world yesterday. He hasn’t the life skills to be outside and he’s in serious denial about his abilities. Unless he is sleeping, when the door opens he makes a break for it. Last night while we were bringing in groceries he bolted for the door, got out, did a detour around me and headed to the backyard where he knows he’s beyond anyone’s reach. He took one step in the snow, froze, eyes bugged out, then turned around and bolted back inside. Serves him right. That will teach him a lesson. No. It won’t. But it was funny!

New glasses and I got my eyebrows done today and my hair cut and purpled last week so here’s a picture. This is as good as its ever going to get!

 

22

My Day Off

This morning I was supposed to go to Costco to get my new glasses and get some stuff for Christmas. However, there was snow on the ground when I woke up. “Fuck”, I said. I don’t drive in the snow. Where I live snow is a sopping wet slush and not safe. Anyway, I settled in with my pyjamas and robe and a cup of coffee. Its a perfect day to watch my stack of Christmas movies so I put on, “It’s a Wonderful Life” and spent some time colouring. Now I am watching, “A Muppet Christmas Carol”, which I think is one of the most precious movies ever. If any movie makes me cry this one does.

Last night I went to my weight loss support group. I was up a little, oh drat! Now I am 3 pounds from my goal. But it was a great meeting as it always is, comparable to an A.A. meeting. These people are so amazing and love me and care about me. If I miss a meeting I feel it all week. It’s not about food addiction. It’s about this internal battle. Even those who have reached their goal weight still have to go. I know I always will.

Here’s this. I promise you it’s worth the 3 minutes and 44 seconds. If we can get this message we will be okay. It’s my Christmas gift for you.

Bless Us All…

28

Still Sad

I’m not at all ready for Christmas. Haven’t started. I did get cards out. I really did try to get in the mood this year but I’m just not feeling it. I work on Christmas Day and all throughout December. And the depression is not lifting. I have got myself on an online Al Anon support group. Al Anon is for anyone who has been affected by someone else’s drinking. My biological father was an alcoholic and I learned some really unhealthy coping mechanisms. Sometimes I think I will never be healthy person. It feels like I was born broken. They say unborn babies can feel emotions. My mom had planned to leave my biological father but then discovered she was pregnant with me so she stayed. My first memories are of being scared. Terrified is a better word. Did I feel that way before I was born? I don’t know. I just know I have never not been broken. I envy people who were born into a loving home. I envy people who are simply…not sad. Yes, we all have issues but unless you have dealt directly with addiction you can’t know the effects. For me, it all boils down to never wanting to get someone angry at me ever. From my husband to a person in the grocery aisle where my cart might be taking up too much space to where I put my stuff at work because someone else might have wanted that space to not leaving an intersection fast enough and the driver behind me having to wait to not returning emails right away. It’s everything. When someone expresses anger I can try to stand up for myself and it’s like people know. They know they can win. And they always do. Always.

I really need to try to focus on something positive but honestly, I’m just not feeling it right now. There is this. I get my new glasses on Tuesday. That’s a good thing. I also weigh in tomorrow and really hoping I’m a little closer to my goal. The only good thing about this particular depressive episode is I am not all that hungry.