Updatedly-dately-doo

Well, how about a blog post? The power is out here and I am on battery backup with no internet connection. This will go through when the power comes back on.

We had an epic storm here today. The power is out almost everywhere. There is a school close by where the kids are trapped because of a downed power line. There are trees and power lines down that are closing off entire neighbourhoods and people can’t get in or out. I however, am safe and sound inside my home with my husband. My daughter and son are safe in their own homes. Since our power is out I had to hook up the old fashioned way and used the old dial phone. I told my kids to NOT go out because the wind gusts are dangerous and there are no street lights. At the moment they both have power but they live close to the hospital. We live close to the hospital too but they are closer.

Life continues to be so very good. As you know I quit my job. $6.00 less an hour. No benefits. No pension. Best of all, NO STRESS! I come home and have not a care in the world. I do not miss my old job even a little bit. I gave that job all my heart, all my love and never once shirked responsibility. When I fell at work and tore my rotator cuff my employer not only did not give a shit but fought me to the bitter end trying to prove I did not injure my shoulder at work. I know I did. I would stake the life on my children on that. But in the end, they won. I lost. And I lost my belief that working hard and doing a good job meant something. The experience changed me in the most fundamental way. I got depressed and lost my desire to work hard and do a good job. I became despondent and stopped caring. I still loved the people I cared for but my heart was no longer caring for the company I work for. So, I quit. My new job is completely meaningless. I go to work and work on a keyboard all day processing claims so people with severe disabilities can get much needed medical equipment. This week a one young woman in particular got a new power chair and she was so happy! The best part is it was fully funded and she did not have to pay a penny. Yay! All day long I see a people being cared for by the system of Universal Health Care. How great is that?

I saw my psychiatrist this week. Guess what? I am no longer his patient because I have been discharged from his care because I am doing so well. It is not just the job. It is the new medication I am on. It took me doing my own research and discovering that I have a unique type of depression called Diurnal Mood Variation that doesn’t respond to SSRI’s but instead responds to SSNRI’s. I have taken SSRI’s for years and never felt really good or happy. I have written so many posts talking about The Black Dog lurking in my neighbourhood or yard or sitting with me on the couch. Right now, he doesn’t even exist anymore. He is just… gone. There are fleeting moments when I remember him. When my psychiatrist told me he was discharging me a very small bit of panic washed over me and was gone me as quickly as it came. It is very frustrating to think if just one doctor over the years had sat and asked me the right questions I would have been saved years and years of desperation and sadness.

I continue to go to Unity and am in love. I love the message. I love the people. And best of all, I am loved. People phone me and email me and send me messages on Facebook. You know, things people do when they are thinking about you? Things people do when they care. I am getting to know so many people I can’t keep up remember their names. One lady, Sharron (Hi Sharron!) reads me blog occasionally. Do you all know that I have never given my blog address to someone I know? Why? Because I never trusted anyone before. I trust the people at Unity. I wish I had a church like this years ago.

Well, it is absolutely pitch black and writing this is giving me a headache. It hurts my eyes so I can’t proofread so I hope everything makes sense. I will post another time about some exciting plans for the new year. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Year.

Namaste.

18 thoughts on “Updatedly-dately-doo

  1. Birdie, I have been out of the loop for quite some time. I am so glad I popped on tonight to read this blog post. I hope when you get this comment the power issues in your community will be fixed and everyone will be safe. So much to comment on here! First, I am THRILLED that your black dog is gone! How wonderfully amazing is that?! You must change your blog name to DITCHEDTHEDOG! I am older than you and have been a consultant forever. But I learned at some point as well that employers, for the most part, couldn’t care less about you and certainly have no loyalty towards you. It hurts when you give your all – a lot. I am glad you are in a job that is helpful to others and less taxing to your being. I am also really happy that you found a community you love. Your life sounds complete and happy and it’s wonderful to hear. May you have continued love and peace! Love, Jo

  2. I was so happy to read this. I am so happy for you!! I know the toll a job/career can take on you, especially if you have had a bad experience within that job. Good for you having the bravery to move on, and for finding out what you needed for your depression. What a wonderful holiday season you are going to have! -Jenn

  3. That is wonderful news that you have found the right medication for you! I love that you have a new job and have found a church with people you care about and they care about you. It sounds like you are well on your way to having a Happy Holiday and a Very Merry New Year.

  4. I’m so pleased for you, Birdie! Medication that actually works, a satisfying job that doesn’t stress you out, and a new community at the Unity Church! You deserve to be happy and I’m thrilled that you are!

  5. I’m so glad that the meds are working. I take the same drug and it helps me so much as well. I’m so glad that you have a job that doesn’t treat you like shit. Sounds like it was a bad storm. I know they suspended ferry service and one ferry rescued someone from a sinking boat. Wild times with mother nature.

    It’s so wonderful to hear from you. Take care and have a lovely Christmas!

  6. When it rains, it pours, as the saying goes — but in a good way when Birdie is blogging again after a drought. So much good news there! Very happy for you.
    “And I lost my belief that working hard and doing a good job meant something. ” It still meant something to YOU, and so it should. That’s the important thing.
    Here’s hoping power’s soon restored on the island and you’re all able to have a hot Christmas dinner.
    It’s been great getting to know you this past year, Birdie.
    -Kate

  7. Birdie! This is just the best post ever! I am so happy that everything has turned for the better for you, a confluence of positive changes, positive engagement, and how wonderful to know you can be the agent of disabled people getting the equipment they need! Not meaningless at all! I shall have to look up the difference between the types of depression you mention. I hadn’t ever heard of that before, but kudos to you for taking your own care into your hands and doing the search to learn what you need. This post has me smiling a mile wide.

  8. Merry Christmas Birdie! xx

    What a wonderful post to read! I relate to what you went through at your old job. I had such a severe burnout back in 2003 and my employers also fought tooth and nail to prove the job had nothing to do with it. Luckily I kept emails from them stating things that made them blatantly guilty for manipulation and abuse, so I was able to qualify for disability income. Not exactly the lottery, but it helps. Feeling better took me 10 years, it’s so long. I’m glad you found meds that help you!! No black dog is a great thing!!! xx

  9. Merry Christmas Birdie. So glad I popped in today to read your post and see how well you are doing. I am so very pleased for you my lovely blogging friend. I hope that we see you again in the new year and that I can keep in touch with you more going forward. There is lots of change needed for me and I know that 2019 will bring it on in so many new ways. Maybe I will be blogging about it all….lots of love to you the funniest, kindest, most lovely blogger I know. xx

  10. Happy New Year Birdie. This is a wonderful post and it is great to know you have been dismissed by your doctor. I am glad Unity is helping you. My cousin is a Unity pastor and I know their message is beautiful.

  11. We MUST do our OWN research for sure when given stuff to take. It makes the most sense and no body will have your better interest than you and people not making money from you. Good on you, Birdie. As for the job. Glad you left that old one. It really did seem to make you unhappy. Sorry though, you lost the batter about the cuff. That part sucks. But your new outlook and energy sounds wonderful. Good on you. Cheers and boogie boogie.

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