Actually, I am at a one bar on the bad mood meter. I am in a foul and cranky mood today. Dinner guest was pleasant enough but didn’t lift a finger. Nor did she thank us for dinner.
Trump. Kavanaugh. Cosby. Women being oppressed every single day that this planet has been spinning. Rain. Cold. Dark. Torn rotator cuff.
I feel so fucking old today. I look in the mirror and I just see old. Those of you who are older have to understand that this is the oldest I have ever been. When did all my hair turn grey? Why does my face look like a potato? Why do my hips ache? Why am I never not tired?
I miss my mom. Thanksgiving used to mean big family celebrations but now the family is scattered. When my mom died nobody told me that my (step) dad would be out of the country for 6 months of the year and when he is here he is going to be three hours away. Nobody told me that holidays were going to be spent alone. So. Fucking. Lonely.
Great. Now I am crying.
I just hate everything today. When my shoulder aches like it is right now I get so angry. I was raised to work hard. To leave everything better than I found it. To be good to your coworkers and help them no matter what. To respect management. In return, after I fell at work and tore my rotator cuff my employer hired a lawyer to fight my case to say I didn’t hurt it at work. I know I hurt it at work. I would bet the lives of my children on it. I never have expected praise or accolades for a job well done but I did expect a level playing field. I expected my employer to look after me if I hurt myself at work.
Today would be a good day for MJ oil but I am out and have been out for months because my antidepressant is working but today is just dark.
Even Norbert has abandoned me.
Fuck it. I’m going to eat brownies.