It is early even for me. This morning I woke at 7:00 and was tired but not able to go back to sleep. Yesterday I made a major and huge life decision and quit my job. Well, no. The decision was made weeks ago and I did it yesterday. Over the last year the dynamic has changed so much. From seeing 6 or 7 patients a day to seeing 21 or 22. Care is rushed. For instance, workers now get 20 minutes to give a shower to someone who is sick or elderly or has a disability. That is 20 minutes from the moment we pull in the driveway to the moment we pull out. Anyway, there are about 25 other factors in my decision but I really don’t want to go into it. I have agonized over the decision. Before all the changes I loved my work. And I still do. I love the work. But at some point my work became a job. It became drudgery. It became stressful. It became a loud clamour in my heart and brain. It was not an easy decision. I gave up decent pay, though we are still the lowest paid of all medical professionals, extended health care benefits and a pension. I gave up job stability. When I went in my nurse leader was saddened and really listened to all I had to say. She said that I was an excellent worker and a valuable member of the team. She gave me a hug and an excellent reference but she too is just one of the countless cogs on a broken system. She is powerless to make changes that have been made by people who have never worked a day in healthcare.
What will I be doing next? I’m not sure. Today I am making an appointment with an employment counsellor. Of course there is anxiety but I am at peace.