Part 1 Completed

Today I finished the first part of my counseling. The second part will actually go into the PTSD. I’m not looking forward to it. The first part has been exhausting and at times brutal but I will say that the counsellor has been beyond amazing and I feel like I’m making progress. She has given me some resources to use over the next few weeks because I’m on a wait list. She’s invited me to be a part of an art therapy group that meets on Thursday nights. After the second part of the counselling is over I will go into the third and final stage with hopes of a life not so wrapped around depression anxiety and fear.

Of course, work continues to be gruelling. My counsellor suggested I buy a box with a lock on it and write down things that I’m either not ready or can’t deal with right now and put it in the box. Finding new work or re-training is going into the lock box. Just not ready right now with all the counselling and changes going on. It’s just too much. But, I do see in the future this is something I want to pursue and see where it leads. I’m pretty sure I want to go into working in palliative care full-time or working for myself, or both. I need to get myself into a better mental state before I can be making major life changes.

As most of you know, I’m back on Facebook. It’s just as crappy as ever. But, it is so nice to see a lot of you and to see my friends and family that I don’t get to see often. My sister’s sister-in-law is expecting a baby any day and I am so excited for her and her partner this is her first but she comes from a family of 10 children herself!

It seems that Norbert’s age is catching up with him. He’s 14 this year. Usually in the spring, his favourite time of the year, he starts to cavort with leaping and prancing and spending most of the day trying to get outside. Mostly he’s just sleeps now. However a few minutes ago when I took the recycling to the road he did try to get out. I dropped the recycling bin very loudly on purpose and that scared him and he ran upstairs. He is still the biggest wimp of a cat that I’ve ever owned. But by god, I love that cat. Right now he’s sitting looking out the window watching his birds.

Well, I have laundry to do. Until next time.

18 thoughts on “Part 1 Completed

  1. I love your photo of Norbert! “Ungrateful Bastard” made me laugh! Our cat Mist lived to be 18 years old, and she really slowed down the last few years of her life. Cats are so easy to love.

    Healing is such hard, hard work, kudos to you, warrior woman.

  2. You are incredibly brave and I congratulate you on going ahead with the counseling. It can be the hardest thing in the world, and yet- so worthwhile in the end.
    Sort of like loving Norbert. But not really. You know what I mean.
    I’m on your side, Birdie. I’m cheering for you.

  3. Counselling IS hard work. Sometimes painful work. And worth it.
    Jazz, like Norbert, is slowing down. And despite the fact that he often channells the psycho cat from hell is much loved.
    And me to the long list of people who are cheering for you.

  4. I went to a counsellor for quite a few sessions. Sometimes I would come back home elated and feeling like I’d really conquered something. Other times I was exhausted and walked out of there with mascara down my face. But it was the best thing I ever did. It is scary going to the places that you’ve tried to squash your whole adult life, but you’re in a safe place and it sounds like your counsellor is a good fit for you. I just love your Norbert. He has the best name. -Jenn

  5. I’m glad to hear you are working it all out hard though that may be there is always hope for a better future. I’m low on cat cuddles because the daughter’s cat passed away last month.

  6. As hard as this is, it is really wonderful that you are putting this work into yourself. It sounds like a really great program too – I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of treatment so regimented and I love it. It feels like it is structured to give you exactly what you are looking for. This is hard stuff, but it is so worth it. You are worth it. I remember when I was first going through my own treatment I was so raw. I felt like I wore my abuse on my skin. I lived and breathed it. It hurt so bad just to be alive. Then somewhere one day must have gone by when I didn’t think about the abuse. That one day must have grown into days, and weeks, and months. At some point I looked back and I didn’t associate myself with the abuse any longer. Sure I have bad days, but nothing like then. I know I said it before, but your mind will not allow you to deal with things you are not ready to deal with. This IS your time. I promise you, you will look back one day and know exactly why you are doing what you are doing today. I love you and my only wish is that I could wrap my arms around you and give you a great big hug. You are pretty awesome B!

  7. So glad you found someone good. I have great hopes for you. That the depression and anxiety diminish greatly and that you have some peace.

    A person can only take so much change. I get it.

  8. I hope this works so you can change careers. It takes time but I believe you will get through it. Being stuck in a job you hate wears down the psyche and makes you older than you really are.

  9. Dear Birdie, that box technique sounds like a good one to me–putting inside what you want to do but what you aren’t ready to do right now. I could have used that technique back in 1984 when my job was depressing me so and I felt absolutely caught in the web of it, unable to move forward or backward.

    A dream I had freed me from that. I went in the office the next day and handed in my letter of resignation. Ah, the feeling of freedom that gave me. And I was able to ask for free-lance work from the publisher for whom I worked and that set me on the path of free-lancing, which lasted 17 years, until my retirement. The dream helped me see that the time had come to let go and to trust that all would be well. Peace.

  10. It sounds like you’ve got a pretty good counselor there. It’s wonderful when they suggest things and give you good feedback.
    It sounds like you’re feeling better and that is all that counts, the rest can wait.
    And Norbert? Well, that kitty is special!

  11. Oh my gosh… I sent in a big long comment and it’s not here! I will pm you when I’m near a keyboard.

  12. I’m glad you’re putting one foot in front of the other with help from the counselling process. I’m a great believer in this – talking and finding ways to live without misery. Therapy and counselling yes, it is a good thing but not an easy process. Art therapy does sound amazing though and I’m sure that this will really help you gain strength. Not that you are not already strong, but I really feel art can help nurture and sustain us. I like the very careful structure of your therapy. Where did you find it and what is it called? Nice to hear how Norbert is doing. Bless his little socks.

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