I couldn’t go to work today. I just couldn’t. Work has me so stressed. From a job that I used to love to a job that has me sick with dread 24 hours a day. My therapist has given me information about retraining because this can’t keep happening. This afternoon I called the agency that does retraining but the hoops I have to go through are daunting. It’s a program for women who have mental health issues (check) and have experienced violence (check) and have barriers to full time employment because of it. Like Scarlet O’Hara, I will think about it another day. “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.” Ah, what great coping skills I have.
All your comments in my last post brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes I feel so alone and dull and the most boring person in the world. Really, my life is very mundane. When you have depression you don’t look forward to anything. But what’s to look forward to? The planet is past the tipping point. I don’t have time off until September. Going through bed each night is what I look forward to.
Anyway. I heard this song today on another blog and it made me think of my love for my own kids so I sent it to them. I’m posting it here because it’s beautiful.