The holidays always come so quick and then in a blink they are over for another year.
First, let me give you a bit of background on my husband’s father. My husband was adopted and recently received details on his adoptive family. Apparently, after my husband was adopted, Child Protective Services was called three times in the first few weeks of his adoption. Yelling and fighting and things being thrown around, the documents stated. The person who “investigated” the matter was a drinking buddy of his adoptive father and all concerns were dismissed. The abuse continued. The father tried to kill the entire family twice. He put the family dog out in the snow and the dog froze to death. Just a couple of examples of the evil that my husband endured. For years, my husband and I looked at obituaries after Christmas and joke about who “had the audacity to die on Christmas Day”. It has always been a joke because a death on Christmas Day fucks the day forever, a final fuck you to the world. Guess who died on Christmas Day? My husband’s father. It will seem so odd but I am angry. I have always believed in our final days we can choose when we die. I work with a lot of palliative patients and have seen it countless times. I have no doubt that this was his final send off, an asshole leaving a legacy of brokenness and heartache. I feel sad for my husband but there is no love lost here. I just feel angry that one of the most horrible people I have ever known has ruined Christmas for my husband forever.
Yeah. So there’s that.
I am on a regular day off right now and am now dreading winter. I got through most of November and December because I had some lieu days to use up and then looking forward to Christmas helped. Now there is not a lot to look forward to and I have one week off in the next nine months. I have no idea how I am going to get through it. I know I need to stay in the moment but there is no way this is going to be easy. I’m tired already.
Tonight is my final weigh-in of the year. I didn’t hit my goal weight, about 2 pounds to go, but oh well. Close enough! I’m pretty proud of myself. It’s taken me 16 months to lose almost 40 pounds and that is good.
For those of you that practice Mindfulness and meditate I want to tell you about an app called Buddhify. It’s absolutely the best app I have ever used. It’s about $7.00 and worth every penny. https://buddhify.com
I started this post with a bunch of thoughts but now I can’t remember them. So that’s that for now.