Every single one of you. Your words got me through and gave me hope. I wish I could reply to each of you because you all deserve it but today I am wrung out, exhausted. I slept horribly last night if I slept at all and then went to work and I guess I did a good job. It’s hard to give when you’re empty. In my job I see a lot of people with depression and my heart aches for them. There is one person that just sits in the same spot day after day. I only have 15 minutes and no real time to acknowledge his humanness but I try. He was listening to folk music when I went in to give lunch meds and I made him laugh when Tom Dooley came on. I told him we learned that song when I was in a school choir when I  was about 8. I told him that I didn’t think about it at the time but is there a worse song to teach a small child? It’s equal to teaching today’s children a Marilyn Manson song. I mean, good lord. What were they thinking?

All throughout today I was thinking how the world needs another hero. I was not even alive when Winston Churchill died but didn’t he give people of that time hope? Politics aside, it seems people slept better at night knowing he was there. It was a horrible time and there someone who seemed to want to make things better. Like Obama. Or maybe Obama in hindsight. I don’t realize how amazing he was until now. I don’t know. I’m not American and Churchill is long dead. Maybe I like him because he had brutal depression and it made him a better person. FYI – He came up with the term, “The Black Dog”.

On a totally unrelated topic I just ate an organic mandarin orange that was so good I thought I still had half of it but had eaten the whole thing.  So I had two more.  Wouldn’t life be nice if more things in life  were easy as peeling a mandarin orange? It seems everything takes effort these days. Mandarin oranges? Shwooop! Peeled. Eat.  Have another.

I was looking through my Joy Box* today, something I do when things get really dark. It’s full of things that make me laugh or at least smile. I came across this picture in the paper about 15 years ago. I wonder, did this poor creature ever get a home? A sorry excuse for a cat if there ever was. Her fur is matted all to hell. Her ear is either bent or missing, I can’t tell which. You just know she would emit an odor that would clear a room. And she looks surly. Even the caption is funny. She is so completely pathetic she is cute. And yes, funny. Poor Georgia.

*I really need to come up with a better name for it. Joy Box sounds like a phrase to describe my downbelows, And I really should not call it my downbelows. I spend too much time with old people.

13 thoughts on “

    • Hi Birdie 🙂 I just wanted to say thank you for what you said on Martha’s blog about the card I sent her, that was very very sweet. I also manage (most of the time) anxiety and depression. I call it my dark pit. But luckily I’ve been okay lately. I like your joybox idea. I have a “memory board” on the wall next to my desk and I look at it often. It has everything that makes me happy and brings me good memories. When I fall into the dark pit, my memory board is my rope to escape it. I also surround myself with dogs and cats and I’m very lucky to have a supportive, understanding and caring partner. Sending hugs xx 🙂
      Rain

  1. You could call it a “carton of smiles” instead of joy box. On second thought that’s probably just as bad. You need a downbelow box where you stow all your bad feelings and an upabove box for all your good ones. Now I want to wake my husband up and ask him what the old folks he takes care of call their private parts. LOL!!!

  2. Obviously, you have introduced us to two new fabulous terms and we like them. Sometimes I jokingly call them the “nethers.” And that cat- oh my god. Have you ever seen the movie “Crimes of the Heart”? I do believe that you would love it. Very dark humor but there’s a part in it that reminds me of Georgia in the picture above.
    May you start to feel a little better each day. Just, a molecule or so better. Okay?
    Love you, girl.

  3. Be gentle with yourself love. My therapist tells me to treat myself exactly as I would a much loved little sister. It helps when I remember.

  4. Happy weekend Barbara….😂 To ” Joy box”….you have always made me smile with your unique sense of humour… Love you for that….❤️
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

  5. OMG! Now I can’t get that term “Joybox” out of my head. My mind is such a gutter trap. Yesterday I saw my Pain Doctor and asked about the Diclofenac. He said it was up to me if I wanted them. I said I would like to try it for the inflammation in my back. Well, I started them when I came home. I found out they work fine, in fact, better than I thought they would. Now my nerve pain is showing through. The pain is now from my discs degenerating and my spinal nerves being pinched by the bones.Just lovely.

  6. OMG, “downbelows” is a terrible euphemism! When I was a little girl, my mother told me to call the downbelows “tootles.” At least that sounds cheery and fun, LOL!

  7. Birdie, as down as you are feeling, you still made me guffaw out loud. Downbelows? Okay then! Yes, Obama was extraordinary because he was decent. I am glad those mandarin oranges gave you some respite. Sending so much love.

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