Today was Costco day. When both my youngins moved out I let go of my membership. I grieved that membership. Like a loss of a hamster or goldfish but a grief just the same. My daughter has a lot of problems with her eyes and needed new glasses and so did my husband and I am needing an appointment in December so I paid for a new membership and also bought toilet paper, brownie mix and a bunch of other very useful stuff. Because you need garbage bags. And compost bags. We have compost pickup here. Do other communities have that? It’s part of our garbage pickup but its own separate thing. Anything that is food, that was once food and anything like branches and weeds. Which reminds me that I need to rake some leaves and put them in there for the next pickup.

I have been fighting The Black Dog the last week or so. It’s not been good and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

I just pulled brownies out of the oven and I am going to make myself wait to eat one until after dinner. Besides, I already ate a fair amount of batter. No I didn’t. I wouldn’t do something like that. Yes, I would. And did.

We had such a great summer that lasted until well into October and now it is not at all nice. It goes between a light rain and torrential downpour. It’s so dark. Which doesn’t help with the depression. The SAD light helps and Vitamin D. 4000 IU is what I take, which is on the high end but that is what every doctor, naturopath, pharmacist and healthcare professional has told me to take. Yes, it’s that dark here. Blood tests that check Vitamin D levels are not covered by our medical here because everyone is deficient. Everyone.

I know it’s early for Christmas carols but it’s what I do to do to get through this time of year. When I was little, my mom always listened to Anne Murray’s Christmas album. I think I was about 10 when it became a part of our Christmas. Of course I cry through the whole album now but it’s not a sad cry. It is crying for gratefulness. We had such nice Christmases. I had grandparents that loved me as well as aunts and uncles and oodles of cousins. I listen now and all that love, all those beautiful Christmases flow over me. Those that have past on speak to me through Christmas music. They tell me they loved me.

I just found these pictures today that I said I would post at least 6 months ago. I don’t remember why I didn’t take pictures of it down but here it is pulled back like I wear it for work. Maybe in another 6 months I will take pictures of it down and post them.


This post is so boring. My life is not even remotely interesting.

28 thoughts on “

  1. What I don’t eat is fudge. I may (or may not) make a small amount when no one else is home and eat it right out of the pot, warm and not even set yet. Or not. Ugh. I might be pretty gross.

  2. I just bought a Pentatonix Xmas album out of the Canadian Tire cheapie CD bin but I am forcing myself not to play it until December 1st.

  3. I may or may not be a secret consumer of fudge and brownies and chocolate here too. Sigh.
    Love your multi-coloured hair. I can’t cope with Costco though. Too big, too noisy. I find it overwhelming.

    • It’s weird. Every other place that has huge crowds freaks me out. I can manage Costco for about 45 minutes before I start feeling panicky.

  4. I’m sorry you are having to battle your depression right now. Brownies… mmmm sigh. Is your hair still that brilliant blue colour, or has it faded? I know a young girl who died part of her hair dark green. -Jenn

    • I wash my hair once a week in cold water so it is still really vibrant. Washing coloured hair often in hot water is the worst thing for it. I did have it touched up once since this picture.

  5. I love the peacock blue on you (it was my favourite colour last year).
    I really enjoyed your post, I like reading about other people’s ordinary lives. Gosh if everyone else was whooping it up but me I would probably kill myself 🙂

  6. Brownie batter! Sinful! Can’t leave it in the bowl.

    I take 5000 IU of vitamin D. My doctor started me out on a smaller dosage, and increased it at each visit, always testing to see what my levels were. They were never normal until I got to 5000 IU.

  7. Love your hair! It’s so pretty!
    Why is everyone deficient in Vit D? My doctor said that I am and I spend half my life outside or on a porch. This makes no sense to me. I can’t ever feel any difference when I supplement, either.
    Your life is absolutely as interesting as mine is. At least you go out and talk to people. Some days I talk to NO ONE except by text.
    And fuck the black dog. And the horse named Anxiety he rode in on.
    Play all the Christmas music you want!

    • I’m at the lab right now to see just how low I am on not just vitamin D but everything. I’m hoping that I’m fine with the blood work because that rules out the reason I am so down all the time. Or maybe it would be better to be deficient because then it can be fixed.

  8. You call that ocean blue hair boring? Never! Your life is not boring, dear Birdie. It is just your life. It’s the black dog talking. I hope he goes and hibernates for the season, then goes galloping away as the weather warms up again. We are here, we love you.

  9. I haven’t been to Cosco in almost a year.We have trash pickup and recycle pickup on Tuesdays and twice a month we have compost pickup and brush pickup, which is any tree limbs or dead brush or bushes. There is a compost area where they grind up the brush etc and have these huge piles of that stuff. some of it is used around the trees in the park.
    ALSO: Birdie you are not boring. If you were, you wouldn’t have any readers. So think about it woman. We love you!!

    • It’s not quite as boring as mine. I love boring in other people’s lives, it’s just interesting to me. In my own? Not so much because truly I’m not very good at changing it. Although if I told you about mine, you would probably think it somewhat interesting too.

      I have waited soo long for those pictures. It’s beautiful! I wonder if any of it is still left? Blue is good on you 🙂
      I am just like you with the Christmas music. You can never start too early.
      4000 is what I take too – my doc says that’s a good dose, especially since it helps with osteoporosis.

  10. We live in a rural area and people around these them parts are allowed to burn our stuff like that. Sorry the black dog is getting you.

    Who says it’s too early for Christmas songs? I’ve had them on since the day after Halloween when the xmas lights went up. Too early? Says who?

    Love the blue. So fun.

    • I grew up in the sticks and we burnt a lot of our garbage. I always worry on winter solstice when I set my box on fire that a neighbor will call the fire brigade. I wonder if they have heard the resentment box before? 😂

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