I’m Makin’ a Scarf

I started this scarf last winter and put it away in the spring. It’s definitely autumn so I am taking it up again. Even though the weather has been sunny it won’t last, this is the Pacific Northwest. The other day someone asked me when it was supposed to stop raining. I told her April.

A few posts back I was talking about Niacin for anxiety. It is working but I think I need a higher dose. I’m not even sure it’s even anxiety that I am dealing with. A few nights ago I watched the beginning of a documentary on earthquakes and so I have been having nightmare about earthquakes. I was so freaked out that I ordered a tent. Honestly, it is something I have wanted to add to our earthquake kit for a while now and they are on sale, but still. I’m also have nightmares about nuclear war. I wake up in fear and then I have an anxiety attack and then I can’t get back to sleep and then I am tired all day and then the day is awful. And so then I have more anxiety. It’s so fucked up. People that don’t have anxiety tell me all sorts of ways to deal with it. Those who do don’t bother because nothing fucking works and we all know it. Actually, that is not true. Pharmaceuticals take the edge off. And by edge I mean I don’t kill myself. I do believe diet can help more than anything, especially supplementing the B vitamins. It is something I am looking into further.

This time of the year is hard. I am so tired all the time. Yesterday I brought out my SAD light. It also helps little. What would really help is being allowed to wake up at not 6:30. It’s a drag starting work at 7:00 in the morning. It’s so…early. meh

OMG! I forgot to give you a bread update! If you don’t know about The Bread People and you are bored and have nothing better to do you can read about The Bread People here. And here. The mystery may be solved because a couple of weeks back, in a completely different part of town I saw bread.

Here. Let’s go in for a closer look.

It could be different bread all together but I have suspicions that it is the same bread. This place is one of the places I work and is low income seniors housing. I am guessing The Bread People get it from somewhere and distribute it to people who can’t afford it.

Okay. That’s all I have. I’m going to go put on my workout clothes and see if I can manage to exercise today.

Addendum – What’s up with the different fonts?

18 thoughts on “I’m Makin’ a Scarf

  1. That’s a lovely color scarf.

    I don’t have anxiety but I do suffer from way too emotions. I started meditating this past week. Only ten minutes a day but it’s helping so far. I’ve also decided I need to start having difficult conversations with people in my family instead of putting head down. At least that’s what the universe seems to be pushing me towards. One thing after another with family.

    Winter is hard. I’m hoping this year it’s not so bad. Maybe the meditation will help me. Who knows? Take care Birdie.

    • Meditating does help a lot, LC. I have some great apps that send me reminders to breathe. I especially like Stop, Breathe, Think. Also, Buddhify. Great for beginners. I used them a lot and have fallen away. You reminded me to use them again.
      LC, what is the saying? Use your voice, even if it’s just a whisper. It is so very hard, I know. It is even harder when we equate kindness with allowing ourselves to be treated like shit. You know, one of the best things that has helped me find my voice is working for a Union. I can let managers know how I feel without fear of reprisals. I am never, ever rude. I always respectful but it has taught me to speak without fear. Today a client was yelling at me, saying I was stupid so I left. I called my Nurse
      Leader and she totally backed me up. It felt good! And so empowering.

  2. Hi Birdie! I am hoping this will post. I am having trouble commenting on blogs lately. Such a pretty scarf! Does Norbert interfere? I hope your exercise gave you some energy. God for you for exercising at all given your long days. Sweet dreams!

    • He did interfere until I made him his own little cat mat. He refused to use it for the longest time and now he gets into a snit if anything is on it. Today I was helping a colleague with some paperwork and the paper was on his mat (!)

      • Argh! I hit enter. Anyway, the paper was is in his way so he rumpled it up to his liking and had a nap. I’m not sure what my friend from work will say!

  3. What a nice scarf, Birdie! I do not have anxiety per se, but I am going through an extremely stressful situation right now with my apartment. Nothing yet, still looking. Hopefully I will find something very shortly, this is wearing me down. 🙂

  4. Love the scarf. And learning about the Bread People.
    Jazz and Norbert are definitely related. And can Norbert just sit on the ground? Or if there is anything to sit on (paper, a scarf, a book does he plant his date on that.
    Sometimes having the edge taken off fear/pain/anxiety is all we can hope for. I sometimes think that if iI take enough of anything to eliminate it I would be in a coma.

  5. Ha! About the bread. I bet you’re right, but it was quite the mystery.
    The scarf looks so soft and comfy. Love the color.
    Anxiety is such a crusher. World events and leaders don’t help either.
    I noticed the fonts, but I thought you did it on purpose..

    • I think world events are pushing a lot of people into anxiety. Good for the pharmaceuticals industry. Hmmm? Sometimes I wonder if it’s a conspiracy. I hope not.

    • I got it at Walmart and it’s called a loom. They come in different sizes. And it is super easy but can get repetitive. That can be a good thing because it’s like a meditation.

  6. I that variegated yarn? It’s a pretty color. Anxiety? Yeah, I have that. Keeping busy takes the edge off for me and I do take pills for it. Otherwise, nothing helps.I was wondering when you would get back to the mysterious Bread People.

  7. I too am easily triggered by jarring news or violence or drama… there are thre things I can think to share. 1) Everyone has their own treatment puzzle to put together and find out what works for them 2) I find mindfulness and practicing skills over and over til I integrate them as rapid reactions to my anxiety helps but I still need meds and never vanquish symptoms fully 3) sometimes nothing helps and all that I can do is accept the anguish, hope the acceptance softens the suffering, and take it minute by minute. It can suck (suck isn’t a negative enough word) and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone-especially you, friend. You’re not alone and I think of you and hope you’re well often! Have fun with the scarf, I like that color too :o)

    • Hannah, I know I have said it over and over but I am in awe of you. You live with mental illness with such grace. As so many of us, you have gone through very dark and horrible times, times when you didn’t know of you would make it out, and yet, here you are. You have worked so hard to work out a course of treatment that works for you. This is such a hard thing to do especially when the darkness comes. You know what? I see you writing a book one day (with your amazing art work) and reaching people who need help. Any physiatrist or psychologist can write a book but you will write because you know. You know. I love you, Hannah. I’m so glad you are part of my world. xo

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