Well, we are here. I don’t mind too much that you will come and find me and dead me because the ferry here is a expensive and not very reliable. It’s likely that by the the you got here we would be long gone. Besides. The door is locked. Because I am a nervous type person even in a community of 16, 000.
Today we were going to go for a hike that everyone compares to Lord of the Rings. We drove forever up a logging road. And drove. And drove. And drove. We never did find the right place. So we turned around and came back and my husband got a coffee and I went to a second hand book store. Later we went out for Indian food and oh, beautiful life! It was so good and I don’t think I will have to eat again ever again because I am sufficiently sophonsified.
I feel sad today. The chaos that my stepdaughter has brought into our life has been so upsetting. There is no way that this is going to turn out okay no matter what happens. And you are all going to think I am selfish and awful because I think that myself but I don’t have it in me to raise a 4 year old. I hate myself for feeling that way. It isn’t just taking on a child but having to parent until I’m 60. It feels like I am just getting my life back now. I am so tired now. How will I have the energy to deal with a kindergartener and PTA and piano lessons and swimming lessons and homework and sleepovers and school lunches and head lice and dentist appointments and overdue library books and all the things I did so well in my 20’s and 30’s?
I’m tired. So tired.
That’s all. My husband is going to watch a documentary on The Rolling Stones.