Well, we are here. I don’t mind too much that you will come and find me and dead me because the ferry here is a expensive and not very reliable. It’s likely that by the the you got here we would be long gone. Besides. The door is locked. Because I am a nervous type person even in a community of 16, 000.

Today we were going to go for a hike that everyone compares to Lord of the Rings. We drove forever up a logging road. And drove. And drove. And drove. We never did find the right place. So we turned around and came back and my husband got a coffee and I went to a second hand book store. Later we went out for Indian food and oh, beautiful life! It was so good and I don’t think I will have to eat again ever again because I am sufficiently sophonsified.

I feel sad today. The chaos that my stepdaughter has brought into our life has been so upsetting. There is no way that this is going to turn out okay no matter what happens. And you are all going to think I am selfish and awful because I think that myself but I don’t have it in me to raise a 4 year old. I hate myself for feeling that way. It isn’t just taking on a child but having to parent until I’m 60. It feels like I am just getting my life back now. I am so tired now. How will I have the energy to deal with a kindergartener and PTA and piano lessons and swimming lessons and homework and sleepovers and school lunches and head lice and dentist appointments and overdue library books and all the things I did so well in my 20’s and 30’s?

I’m tired. So tired.

That’s all. My husband is going to watch a documentary on The Rolling Stones.

11 thoughts on “

  1. Well I just read and got all caught up from Sept 10 forward. What a lovely trip and I LOVE book stores too!! We have an old one in our town…that sounds similar to your’s. I am so sorry about the step daughters troubles. I hope that that can all get worked out. You would most definitely be a wonderful g-ma to her daughter if she would let you….she doesn’t know what she is missing! Your son sounds really good….I am so happy about that. And your daughter’s text….so sweet. when they seek us out because they want to, not because they need something or have to or feel obligated…..is truly such a precious gift.

  2. I am glad that you are away. Even gladder that you are sufficiently sophonsified.
    I really, really hope you aren’t be called on to take on the care of a 4 year old. It is a huge ask. Sometimes I think that parenting is a job for super heroes. Young super heroes.
    Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring.

  3. Oh Birdie!! My wonderful father-in-law used to use that phrase, sufficiently sophonsified. I think I need to back up and read your previous post so I get a full understanding of what’s going on (or not going to go on) in your life. The prospect of raising a young child again would be daunting to say the least! -Jenn

  4. Oh boy, we try so hard to shape our lives, enjoy the consequences of our hard work and then family step in and take over our ship. What ever happens, I am sure it will be best, but I bet you and this little 4-year-old would be fantastic for each other.

  5. Oh honey. No. This is not your job.
    Easy for me to say, right?
    I’m so sorry that this is an issue because I know you are so torn about it but honestly- it is not your responsibility.
    I love the word “sophonsified.” It’s perfect!
    And that inn looks pretty perfect too.

  6. I was just in Powell River last month. We went to Palm Beach, what a beautiful beach.

    I’m sorry about your stepdaughter. It is horrible stressful and I hate to see children suffer. It breaks my heart.

  7. So many of my friends are raising their grandchildren. I do not see how they do it. Thankfully that has not happened in my family…so far. Glad you are having a nice tripl

  8. Why is it that kids come back into our lives just at the wrong time. The only thing you can do is accept it for what it is and live your life. Who knows, your step-grandaughter could be something good in your life.

  9. If you and your husband do end up having to take custody of your step-daughter’s child, your husband can be the main caregiver and parent. He’s retired now, I believe, so he’s got the time. Plus I think you said in the past that he raised his own kids as the main parent. There’s no need for all this to fall on you, or even mainly on you. Nor should it, quite frankly. Your husband should step up. Goodness, I’m opinionated today, aren’t I?

  10. It sounds terribly stressful in your family. What a terrible position to be in. You are not obligated to raise this child. This is something that you and your husband should discuss carefully. I agree with what Debra said above. If you do decide to take on this responsibility, it shouldn’t have to fall on you.

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