It has been weird for me but the last 4 mornings I have had no anxiety. None. I wake up with my alarm and feel a little tired but no anxiety. Does this have to do with starting on a high dose of Niacin? It seems to. But as I said in my last post, I don’t expect it to last. Why? Because nothing has ever worked long term before and because I am a Negative Nellie. Not always, but sometimes. Even now, almost 4:00 in the afternoon I feel fine as far as the anxiety goes. Yes. I am worried about the hurricane as it approaches people I care about. I am worried about DT and North Korea and the world my kids and potential grandkids have to live in but I am not riddled with anxiety. Anxiety and worry are two completely different things. This morning a coworker asked me what it’s like and I said it’s the difference between living and in Canada and North Korea. In Canada we are free and can move about freely and vote (or not vote) for whatever party we choose. I know my healthcare is provided for and for the most part we have a good life. North Korea? Oppression. Fear. Arbitrary punishment. Incarceration. Suppression. When people think those of us with depression and anxiety could, “snap out of it” they know nothing of this horrid illness. We can’t snap out of it anymore easily than someone can leave North Korea.
One more day of work then I am off for 2 weeks. Maybe this is the reason I am not feeling anxious.
This afternoon my husband and I went out for lunch with a gift certificate I won at work. Normally I would not have set foot in this place because it’s in a casino. (FYI, I hate casinos. Too loud. Too bright. Too many people.) The food turned out to be pretty good but I wished I would have ordered the pork schnitzel instead of a hamburger. My husband got the schnitzel and it was delicious. The burger was good and I even ate the bun and most of the fries which I don’t usually do. At the end of the meal, minus the gift certificate, came to $1.06 so that was nice.
Previously I have mentioned that I make my own kombucha. Just now I opened the fizziest bottle yet. It took about 10 minutes to open it. Last week it was Ginger kombucha, this week is blueberry. I’m hoping to make a strawberry ginger at some point but I haven’t had the courage to make mixes yet. When I first started making kombucha with an almost invisible SCOBY I was so nervous that I was going to either have an explosion (it happens) or poison us all. So far, only success and my SCOBY grew so big, almost a foot across and 2 inches thick, that I tossed it into the garden compost and used one of its babies.
Lastly, how long can you watch this?