In Vancouver For a Metallica Concert

My guess is none of you actually thought I was here for a Metallica concert. Good lord, no. If there is a hell and I am going there I will be doing my taxes and listening to Metallica forever. To be honest, I didn’t even know how to spell Metallica until just now when I started this post. No. I am not here to see them but every third person on the street was wearing a t-shirt with the aforementioned on the front. My guess is most people going to the concert would scoff at me even using a word like aforementioned.

Anyway… My husband is at the concert and I am quite worried about him. He was in the hospital less than 2 weeks ago and now he thinks he is fit enough to be traipsing around one of the worst parts of Vancouver. I’m not kidding. This is the view from the hotel window.

The hotel is nice and appears secure but I would not want to be walking outside after dark. Or even right now. I would end up in a place where they harvest kidneys and then sell me to the highest bidder. Which would be about $1.94. Canadian.

This is the view from the other window. This is the “nice” view. I want to know what is in that yellow rounded building with the stairs. I bet many people have died asking the same question and had the guts to go find out. Good thing I am afraid of everything and don’t even have the guts to go to the pop machine 3 floors down.

But do you know what? We got here by a helicopter. Have any of you ever been in one? I hadn’t until today. It was mostly hot and cramped and because I’m not very tall I couldn’t see much except ocean. We live on an island and took the helicopter to get to the mainland. And here is where I get nasty. Some woman on the helicopter was obviously going to the Metallica concert as well. My guess is she was coming up 60 and it was pretty obvious she had put a lot of thought into what one wears at 60 to a Metallica concert. It was a mixture of Tina Turner and Britney Spears with hair dyed as black as midnight. I was being a judgy bitch but then I decided to not like her at all when she announced she was staying at Trump Towers. I mean, really? Really? I would rather sleep on the street then set a foot into that place.

Here is what I had for dinner. Or about 1/4 of this. Why do they make meals so huge? It was good though.

On a totally different topic. This is a question for the Universe. Every Sunday I see the same client at the exact same time. And every Sunday I see these people.

The number of people change. Sometimes it’s 3 or 4. Other times is near 10. What stays consistent is the amount of bread they bring out of the house. Bags and bags and bags of bread. Bread. Buns. Breadsticks. Not small bags either. Garbage bags full. Where do they cook it? Where are they taking it? And why? In this picture you can only see a few garbage bags full but let me assure you that there was a lot more. I want to ask but then I look like the weird one. Or more like, then they know I am the weird one and why am I sitting across the street from them every Sunday. I am in my scrub uniform and wearing government issued ID but it is just weird to go up and ask someone what the hell is up with all the fucking bread?

Okay. I’m going to go roam around the hotel room and steal all the free soaps.


PS –  there are a lot of seagulls around here and they sound angry. WTF?

18 thoughts on “In Vancouver For a Metallica Concert

  1. I too steal hotel/motel soaps. Which is silly because I don’t like them. Or rarely like them (probably because we don’t stay in the sort of places that have nice soaps/shampoos).
    Trump Towers? I would hate her too.
    I hope your husband stays safe – and has a great night.

  2. This was a great post!! You have a great sense of humour. I especially like the term, “judgy bitch” and intend to work it into my vocabulary soon. The bread people are intriguing. Are they in front of just a normal looking house, or does it look like a place where they are perhaps baking this stuff? Maybe they are going to go feed a massive flock of ducks somewhere. -Jenn

  3. This is one of the funniest post I’ve ever read. I laughed all the way through. You really crack me up. If you ever find out the reason for all the bread, you must let us now!

  4. I would have gone to the Metallica concert 🙂 Okay, that’s a lie. Partly. I would have gone when I was in my teens because that was fun then. Now I wouldn’t be able to handle all the noise.

    And what is it with these oversized meals? Oftentimes, my husband and I share a dish when we go out because it’s too much food. Sometimes we each get a dish but end up bringing half of it home for the next day’s lunch.

  5. I laughed at so many parts of this post!! What do I comment about first? I’ll start with that meal! OMG Birdie!! I would have finished that whole thing! When in hotels I also don’t go get the ice or the soda or the snacks, I make him go. I used to steal all the soaps and little shampoo and conditioners, the pens and the few pieces of stationary too, but I don’t anymore. Those soaps smell awful and the pens are shitty and the stationary never made it home without being crinkled and who the hell was I gonna write to using hotel stationary?? Never been on a helicopter. I’ve only flown in an airplane once in my life and that was enough. Could those people be buying up Day Old bread just to distribute it to the poor? And finally…did that dumpster explode? Why is shit and trash all over the ground?

  6. I love Metallica. I’m an old head banger from way back. Those views from your hotel really suck. But then, when I’m at a hotel I wander around down in the main lobby. Those people with the bread sound suspicious. I would steer clear of them.

  7. Love coming across a particularly delightful “free” soap! The bread mystery shall rise… and be proven, some day. ;o)

  8. Now I have to know what’s going on with the bread too! Are they bringing it in or out of the house? Maybe they make it and bring it to a soup kitchen or something. Or maybe that house is the drop off place for a soup kitchen where people from bakeries and stores bring their day old bread? I think I’d have gone to the Metallica concert, not because I particularly like their music but because then I could watch people’s faces as I tell them i went to it. I’d have brought some really good ear plugs too. No, I have never been on a helicopter and aren’t you some special for getting to fly on one even if you had to fly with a 60 year old Metallica groupie (oops did that sound like I’m being a judgy bitch too).

  9. I must have missed that you live on an Island. Oh go over and ask them about the bread next Sunday please? Tell them I sent you. People are funny creatures aren’t they and fascinating. Of course I am one too. Lol

  10. Just rode on a helicopter too! Glad to hear you report the less-than over-the-moon sentiments regarding the experience. I really appreciate your perfect timing. Like i said, i was, and still am, pretty bummed not to remember any of it.

    Crack me up about that yellow building. Totally agree with you.

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