The stove has been cleaned. The oven is on self-clean. The sundeck paneling has been washed. Five loads of laundry are on drying on the line. Part of the shed cleaned.  Pile of crap waiting for pickup.

As a recovering hoarder, and I am not saying that facetiously, I have to stay on top of the crap that accumulates. Because, crap has a way of accumulating and getting out of control and then, if you are like me, you are buried and have paths going around your home, can’t have guests over and have to keep your curtains closed all the time. That was a long time ago for me but I will never say that I could never go back to that place. Throw is some depression, a serious injury, a sick child or a death of a loved one and it could have a way of finding me again. The last time it was my daughter being born with Neurofibromatosis.  She is 19 now doing splendidly but when she was born she had appointments pretty much 5 days a week. Pediatrcians, geneticists and specialists at the children’s hospital. Then there was daily trips to the child development centre for special needs preschool, speech and hearing, physiotherapists and occupational therapists and special needs Gymboree. It was more than a full time job.  And my daughter cried pretty much non-stop for the first two years of her life.  I was so in love with my baby girl, it was my overflowing love that kept me going, but that was a dark time. Throw in a church that was not at all supportive and told me that I have sin in my life and a (now ex) husband that did almost nothing to help. He did have the me to play video games all night long. Ah, but I am going back to a place of resentment and I honestly don’t feel resentment anymore. It’s too big of a burden to carry. Mostly I look back and have compassion for how hard I was trying.

Anyway, I went off on a digression there. I intended to talk about what I have done today.  When I was outside in the shed I saw more stuff to add to the pile. Badminton racquets, an old laptop case, knick knacks… just stuff. The pile of stuff in the picture is about 4 months of collecting  and adding to the pile.  That is how I prevent a new hoard. Keep a pile, add to it when I come across things and get rid of it when it gets to be a big enough pile. Usually it gets donated to the Hospice thrift store but this time it is quite a large load so it’s being picked up by the Diabetes Canada. (Formerly Canadian Diabetes Society. I want to know whose brilliant idea it was to make that name change and how much it cost. Some big wig trying to keep themselves in a job. I know this because I work in healthcare and see how often things have their name changed for no reason. I used to work for Vancouver Island Health Authority. Now I work for Island Health Authority. Nothing has changed except of the name. What a waste of money!)

I am all over the place today, aren’t I?  Well, there are weeds waiting.


And yet another Addendum – it isn’t worth a whole new post to say I went out and weeded the front lawn of dandelions. We pull them out with a fancy weed puller thing instead of using chemicals so you have to stay on top of it. I also weeded the area by the fence that has crabgrass. A couple of weeks I cleared it but now it’s back but not as deep rooted. I gave it something to think about.  There is an ancient toolbox that I use for planting and I painted it today and now I wish I didn’t because it looks terrible now. Maybe it will look better with flowers in it.  It is coming up to the dinner hour and the crap was supposed to be picked up but it’s still sitting there. Why did they tell me to have it out by 8 a.m?

Okay. This is really the end of this post. I’m going to go make a salad.

15 thoughts on “

  1. Good luck with the lawn, it’s good therapy and it sounds like all that effort on your daughter’s behalf started her on the path of a good life, kudos to you!

  2. Well there you go, I didn’t know the name had changed either. I live in such a small rural village that the Diabetes Society doesn’t pick up here. They’ve suggested I put my stuff at a friend’s house. Hmmm, I don’t think they’d be my friends for much longer if I parked my junk on their front lawn waiting for pick up. I hope yours got picked up! I didn’t realize your daughter had such a rough start in life. I’m so sorry. Is she managing this condition now? -Jenn

  3. Depression is a mean fucker. I’m home today because I started a new med for my stomach and one of the side effects can be depression. I was a bitch to a coworker this morning and then couldn’t stop crying. At least I know it will pass.

    I’m the opposite of a hoarder, a perpetual declutterer, not always a good thing either. Like everything there needs to be a balance.

  4. “Mostly I look back and have compassion for how hard I was trying.”

    Oh Birdie, this is so wise. It made tears spring to my eyes. To hold our former selves with love. It is the first step to holding our present selves with the same love. Thank you for this reminder.

  5. I take an old pillow with me to kneel or sit on because of my knees. Having fake knees still hurts. Anywho, pulling weeds while sitting on a pillow is a great way to meditate.
    You are a great caring mom. Kudos to you for taking care of your daughter.

  6. Oh you are good with that lawn! We don’t really weed. We just mow everything down. It’s all green and blends in nicely. So glad your daughter is doing well. She had (and continues to have) such a great mama!

  7. Weeding. Grr. *grouchy face*

    I’m glad that you are aware and police your crap-I know it takes a lot to combat that mentality and stay the course. Definitely a day-by-day thing, at least for me on my own scale of accumulation :o) Proud of your work! Also glad you can recognize and process those feelings and stresses. Purge your soul, purge your closet, lighten your loads, carry more joy!

    Hugs :o)

  8. Dear Birdie, depression is really like a vulture, just waiting for us to slip into a malaise. I wonder if you keep so busy so as to outwit that vulture. I do know about clutter. Every year for the past 30 or 40 years, I’ve spent the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day decluttering gone room at a time. The drawers are the hardest. So much junk!

    Like you, my mind today is a little cluttered. Really it’s like a pinball machine, going from one thought to another. Holding on to nothing. So I think, I’m going to take a nice long nap into oblivion and let the mind rest! Peace.

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