I came home from work and the Interwebs was down. (gasp!) So I went and started dinner and emptied the dishwasher and threw a load of laundry in the wash. It will be interesting to see if I have the energy to get it into the dryer before bed. It’s a front loading washer and if I don’t it will reek by tomorrow and I will have to do it again.
The damn hormones are having their way with me. When I go to bed I am so cold/hot and either have heaps of blankets and layers of clothing or a thin layer of pyjamas and just the sheet on. Then, halfway through the night I am the complete opposite. The window gets flung open wide or I close it tight. The pyjamas come off or I am rummaging through the dresser in the dark and adding layers. An hour later, repeat. And so it goes until I have to go the bathroom. Last night I woke up for good at 3:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep. This does not add to working my way out of this current dark place. Ah, but what can you do? We women start with the hormones when we are 12 and it goes on from there.
My husband loves watching the news. I do not. In fact, it makes my moods worse. Usually I just sit and do something on my iPad while he watches but it still filters through. So I decided to try 30 minutes of meditation for 30 days and see where it takes me. How does meditation work for me? Let’s just say I start at 5:00.
5:00:00 – Okay. Quiet the mind. Breathe.
5:00:03 – My legs hurt. (Reposition) Okay. Breathe.
5:00:05 – I wonder if I should get a kitten? What would I name it? Ludwig is a good name for a cat. I then think about cats that I have owned and about cats I see at work, I think about cats and their whiskers. There is no meditating going on at all. I have completely forgotten.
5:07:28 – Is that a whisker growing on my chin. Oh, my god it is! I’m turning into a man. I need to rip it out now. I’m going to go get the tweezers. I then think about growing a beard. Or hormones. Or what the appeal of mutton chops were.
5:10:54 – Shit. I’m supposed to be meditating. Okay. Focus. Breathe.
5:11:01 – Why is my ear itchy? Its probably cancer. And I really need to make an appointment with the doctor. I need a refill on my Ativan. Are they even open today? Is it a long weekend? I wonder where we should go on our next holiday. I’ve never been to Hawaii. And I still want to see the Northern Lights. I like rainbows. What is that noise outside. It’s been going on for hours now. Another 5 minutes goes by. No meditating.
5:16:01 – Did I take something out for dinner? I’m so hungry. I want chicken McNuggets. Why did they discontinue the hot mustard sauce for 5 years? I wonder how many calories are in one of those packets? I should look that up. They must be so high in calories. I’m getting fat. I really need to eat better. Why does celery have to suck? My brain continues like this for about 7 minutes.
5:23:18 – What is wrong with me? Norbert has a longer attention span than I do. I sure love that cat. I should call him so I can love him and squeeze him and hug him. I love cats. I wonder if I should get a kitten?
In all, I have meditated for 9 seconds.
Tonight, I hope to go to bed early. But like meditation, I will get totally and completely distracted and stay up too late. It’s always a battle with my brain. Nighttime Birdie is silly and carefree and has no regard for morning Birdie who is grumpy and hates getting up in the morning. Seinfeld ripoff, I know. But it’s true. I’m not kidding, I can come home from work and not remember my full name. 8:00 rolls around and I am wide awake. I think up all these great ideas I should do with my life. “I sure love my new bedroom. OMG! I should become an interior decorator!” Come morning. WTF was that all about? I hate decorating. I use paper plates at Christmas even though I have my grandmother’s good China out in the shed that hasn’t been used since she died 18 years ago.