There. Done 

I came home from work and the Interwebs was down. (gasp!) So I went and started dinner and emptied the dishwasher and threw a load of laundry in the wash. It will be interesting to see if I have the energy to get it into the dryer before bed. It’s a front loading washer and if I don’t it will reek by tomorrow and I will have to do it again. 

The damn hormones are having their way with me. When I go to bed I am so cold/hot and either have heaps of blankets and layers of clothing or a thin layer of pyjamas and just the sheet on.  Then, halfway through the night I am the complete opposite. The window gets flung open wide or I close it tight. The pyjamas come off or I am rummaging through the dresser in the dark and adding layers. An hour later, repeat. And so it goes until I have to go the bathroom. Last night I woke up for good at 3:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep. This does not add to working my way out of this current dark place. Ah, but what can you do? We women start with the hormones when we are 12 and it goes on from there. 

My husband loves watching the news. I do not. In fact, it makes my moods worse. Usually I just sit and do something on my iPad while he watches but it still filters through. So I decided to try 30 minutes of meditation for 30 days and see where it takes me. How does meditation work for me? Let’s just say I start at 5:00. 

5:00:00 – Okay. Quiet the mind. Breathe. 

5:00:03 – My legs hurt. (Reposition) Okay. Breathe. 

5:00:05  – I wonder if I should get a kitten? What would I name it? Ludwig is a good name for a cat.  I then think about cats that I have owned and about cats I see at work, I think about cats and their whiskers. There is no meditating going on at all. I have completely forgotten. 

5:07:28 –  Is that a whisker growing on my chin. Oh, my god it is! I’m turning into a man. I need to rip it out now. I’m going to go get the tweezers. I then think about growing a beard. Or hormones. Or what the appeal of mutton chops were.

5:10:54 – Shit. I’m supposed to be meditating. Okay. Focus. Breathe. 

5:11:01 – Why is my ear itchy? Its probably cancer. And I really need to make an appointment with the doctor.  I need a refill on my Ativan. Are they even open today? Is it a long weekend? I wonder where we should go on our next holiday. I’ve never been to Hawaii. And I still want to see the Northern Lights. I like rainbows. What is that noise outside. It’s been going on for hours now.  Another 5 minutes goes by. No meditating. 

5:16:01 – Did I take something out for dinner? I’m so hungry. I want chicken McNuggets. Why did they discontinue the hot mustard sauce for 5 years? I wonder how many calories are in one of those packets? I should look that up. They must be so high in calories.  I’m getting fat. I really need to eat better. Why does celery have to suck? My brain continues like this for about 7 minutes.

5:23:18 – What is wrong with me? Norbert has a longer attention span than I do. I sure love that cat. I should call him so I can love him and squeeze him and hug him. I love cats. I wonder if I should get a kitten? 

In all, I have meditated for 9 seconds.

Tonight, I hope to go to bed early. But like meditation, I will get totally and completely distracted and stay up too late. It’s always a battle with my brain. Nighttime Birdie is silly and carefree and has no regard for morning Birdie who is grumpy and hates getting up in the morning. Seinfeld ripoff, I know. But it’s true. I’m not kidding, I can come home from work and not remember my full name. 8:00 rolls around and I am wide awake. I think up all these great ideas I should do with my life. “I sure love my new bedroom. OMG! I should become an interior decorator!” Come morning. WTF was that all about? I hate decorating. I use paper plates at Christmas even though I have my grandmother’s good China out in the shed that hasn’t been used since she died 18 years ago. 

Okay. I need to end this post. It’s all over the place. Here’s some pictures of Norbert actually using the mat that I made him. 

21 thoughts on “There. Done 

  1. Birdie, that could be me you’re describing. That damn hamster in the wheel not only won’t stop, he occasionally goes backwards and sideways. I love that Norbert is using something you made him. Mine just bypass the lovingly handmade things disdainfully. He sure is a handsome guy. I’ve been thinking about a kitten too….

  2. Sometimes when I’m trying to meditate, I tell myself I can stop when I’ve taken three in and out breaths without my mind wandering.
    I don’t think I’ve ever succeeded.
    Also? Raw carrots suck too.

  3. Norbert is super beautiful. Give him a pat and a scrootch from me please.
    The news? I cannot watch it. I read some, but cannot actually watch and liisten to it (and the politicians).
    Meditation? Fail. Epic fail.

  4. I usually think – Oh yeah, meditation, I should do that ………. and then I go watch Youtube, or eat. Broccoli, I cook it and then I put it in the refridgerator, end of story.
    Great post and please go tell Norbert, there’s not a pretty cat in the world – maybe he hasn’t heard that enough 😉


  5. BAHAHA! I had a good laugh with the meditation. That would be me. Just yesterday I was reading up on starting meditation and it talked about your mind sometimes wandering and that it’s not a problem. But some minds (like mine and yours) wander a little too much. I wonder if it’s even more so with introverts.

    That picture of Norbert lying on his back snoozing is adorable! They are all kittens, really, no matter how cool and indifferent they try to act.

  6. First of all, I think I love your cat. I want to rub his belly (or will he bite me if I do that?). Secondly, I think the only humans that can meditate are men. My husband has told me many times that he can literally sit there and think of nothing. There is a fantastic video of a man (I’m guessing a psychiatrist?) who is giving a lecture explaining how men’s and women’s brains are different – men have a “nothing box” that they like to go to. Women are represented as a thousand wires in their brains with all their thoughts zipping around, interconnected with each other. It is absolutely hilarious. And true. -Jenn

  7. I am not a fan of watching the news, either! And Norbert is a precious darling, I love his expression and how sweet that he is using the mat you made him! 🙂

  8. See Norbet is proving to you that he’s not an ungrateful bastard!

    I do pray but I don’t meditate, but I’m at an age where I just fall asleep whilst I’m praying, but then I get into bed and feel wide awake.

  9. I have that same problem with the laundry. It’s usually the last load and I have no energy left to get it out of the washer, so I ask David to put it in the dryer for me and It’s like waiting for the zombie apocalypse to start. Yeah, it ain’t gonna happen. The washed clothes end up staying in the washer all night and my atomic nose picks up the nasty mildewy odor in the morning, even though I’m in bed with the AC on and the bedroom door closed and the bedroom is on the other side of the house from the laundry room.
    That was a funny time log on meditating. I laughed about the wild hair growing out of your chin. I had the same trouble at first but then my psych doctor told me to focus on something in the room but not think about it.or anything else. Just look at the item and focus your mind on the color or shape of the object. It works 99% of the time. But I have to say this was a fun blog entry today.

  10. Aww lovely Norbert on his mat. Such a cutey. Your writing about meditating is spot on and made me laugh so much. You are an amazing writer Birdie.

  11. Oh Birdie! This post was so funny. And true too! I meditate just like you do. Norbert is such a handsome boy! I agree you should get that kitten too.
    Love, Lolly

  12. Norbert is so handsome! Glad he likes his mat. I can totally relate to your meditation practice-glad I’m not the only one that bounces around with random thoughts like that!

  13. Hey girlie!

    Just wanted to drop you a line in your comments section to let you know I’m still alive, still reading in spurts but not writing a damn word. I’ve had nothing to say since November and isn’t that crazy? I have nothing to add to the ether.

    I’m good though. And that’s something.

  14. Hey girlie!

    Just wanted to drop you a line in your comments section to let you know I’m still alive, still reading in spurts but not writing a damn word. I’ve had nothing to say since November and isn’t that crazy? I have nothing to add to the ether.

    I’m good though. And that’s something.

Comments are closed.