I’m about the same. Maybe a little better. Sleep, or lack of it, seems to be an issue of late. Some of you mentioned Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in my last few posts and I can’t deny that the signs are there. Almost all of them are. At this point, I do not see any foreseeable healing taking place. For starters, in the past I have had therapists tell me that they can’t help me It leaves me feeling more defective and broken than ever. The other issue is trust. The mental health field has done amazing things for me but mostly they just want to give me more medications. Or different medications. Or higher doses of the medication/s im already on. You know, you get the courage to go speak to someone, and trust me, it takes so much strength and courage, and then get told that they are going to change your medications, see you in 2 weeks, there’s the door. Ah, it’s so complicated. The last problem is cost. It costs $95.00 an hour. Canadian medical does not pay for counselling or therapists. If you have Extended insurance you might have coverage. I have extended benefits through my employer but it does not cover counselling. And around it goes. And as I said, I think these issues run so incredibly deep I can’t be fixed. I will never be whole. I promise from the most bottom of my promiser, I am not saying that for attention or for someone me to tell me that healing is possible. I truly believe it is not. And so, I will just live my best life. It isn’t all bad. The times of darkness are dark but the times of not being depressed are okay. I still go to work everyday. To help people. I come home and do housework and yard work occasionally. I go out and see people and do things. It’s not a horrible life. And at the end of the day, I am way more concerned other people’s problems than mine. Plenty of people suffered horrific abuse as children and need help. There are much more worthy causes. And the world is going to shit. There are so many other problems that need to be addressed.
Okay. Here is a post I started the other day. I called it, “Short and Chubby Need Not Apply”.
Okay. I will be the first to admit that I am very, very picky about what I wear to work. In the past I have bought scrubs and worn them once or twice then pitched them in the donate bin. First, the have to be petite. Not petite as in a thin person but petite as in short. 5’3 short. They have to be a cotton/poly/spandex mix. The pockets need to be in certain places or I won’t wear them. The knees need to be reinforced for when I am putting on compression stocking and down on the ground. The colours must be neutral. (No red, yellow, green etc.) Only black, grey, blue, beige… They have to be durable and really good quality. Normally I am
cheap thrifty and won’t spend a lot of of money on clothes. But when it comes to scrubs, particularly the pants I can easily spend $50.00 on a pair.
For the love of all that’s good and true.
Who in their right mind thinks it’s okay to have low rise scrub pants?
Case in point. First, I am not a size 0. I’m a size 10/12. The person wearing those pants has never bent down to put on compression stockings. Because her skinny little tush would be showing for all the world to see. I spend a lot of time bending down.
And the other problem is my stomach. My food baby. It hangs over low rise pants. I need mom jeans. I do. Not quite the 9 inch zipper but I need pants to cover my ass and my stomach. My patients and clients thank me! 😁
That’s that for me tonight. I’m going to bed.