A few days back I wrote about how I am struggling. I still am. Often I try to not write about anxiety and depression. It is nice to keep things light for you. And it’s nice for me too. For the last 9 or 10 days I’ve had headache that won’t go away. It’s stress. I know that. Anxiety is at an all-time high. I pray to a silent God to show me some sort of sign that I am not going to hell. Because the years I spent going to church told me that I am. Nobody can talk me out it. It weighs on a person. If you want to know what I believe, go here. Or don’t. Probably don’t.
It is exhausting carrying that around.
And then there is the state of the world. My own little world is fine. I have a warm bed at night, access to free healthcare, food in my fridge and clean water. I have people that love me and I go on some little weekend trips throughout the year. I even have the smallest amount of money saved, less than $1000.00 but it’s saved all the same. Yeah, my own life is fine, good even. But life is so bad for so many people and it is getting worse. I’m powerless to stop it or even help. I have my job but more often than not I go away feeling that there is so much more to do. So much more. There is never enough time. I can never be enough or do enough to make more than a small difference. And no amount of medication or counselling can help me deal with any of it.
I’m just tired. It would be nice to take some time off work and just rest. It is not an option. Not at all.
Like all things, this too shall pass. In a few days all will be well again. But like hitting your thumb with a hammer, it doesn’t make the time hitting your thumb with a hammer any easier or less painful. And I’m just too overwhelmed to proofread. Excuse the errors.