Finally Found Our Way

I have been back at work for 3 days and already I am so tired. Part of it is getting back to a normal sleep/wake cycle. I was staying up late and sleeping in for my two weeks off and I only have myself to blame. The other part is just the work itself. I went into several different homes today. One is in such bad shape it needs to be bulldozed to the ground. The floor around the tub area is soft and rotting. When I am showering the client I am seriously nervous that the whole thing is going to cave in. Another home I went into is so filthy and cluttered it has cigarette beetles. Yeah. I have never heard of them either. That same home had nothing to feed the client except a peanut butter sandwich and a banana from the food bank. The thing is, I know I am bringing something positive to what I do. I just wish I could find a way to not care so much. There were several years when I worked in a job where I worked 9 – 5 in sales. In that job I did a lot of filing and billing 3rd party insurance companies. I liked the job but I wasn’t passionate about it. At the end of the day anyone could have done my job. There was no caring. It was just doing what needed to be done. I have to be in a job where I care of people.

Well, my iPad has locked me out because I have had to memorize one to many passwords. My brain had a meltdown and so now I have to try to set it to factory settings. Such a First World Problem but these First World Problems are going to be the end of me. It is exhausting trying to keep up. The other issue right now is my car window is fogging up and I think that has something to do with the radiator.  I need a new car but my job doesn’t pay enough for a new car. My car is 20 years old and won’t last forever. I have started saving for a new car but it will be a few years before I have enough. When I say new, I mean new to me.

Tonight I am going to try something new. I have set an alarm to remind me to go to bed. It seems every night around 7:00 Night Birdie enters me and I am happy and wide awake and feeling like doing weird shit like making Kombucha or looking up diseases I think I might have on the Internet. The problem is Morning Birdie pays the price. I have been doing this for 45 years, people. It isn’t likely anything is going to change but I have to try. Poor Morning Birdie. She does try.

Well, the damn news is on and that means it’s time for me to put on my headphones. My husband loves the news. I do not. This is what is first song on my playlist. I love this song. Love it! What do you think?



16 thoughts on “Finally Found Our Way

  1. That’s it, Birdie, blocking out the news by listening to something that brings you joy is wonderful! And the cigarette beetles…yuck! And I think the job you are doing brings you joy (in spite of some drawbacks such as the beetles and clutter), and I am certain you bring joy to others. As far as the sleep cycle goes, I can relate, it has happened to me as well. Sending you much love and many hugs.

  2. Work sounds intense but I’m glad that you have passion to fuel you through it and I know that you bring joy to those you help just as helping them brings joy to you ❤

    I liked the song-it felt nostalgic in some way that I couldn't quite place my finger on but no matter, I like it!

    Good luck with the sleep training. I know how complicated sleep can get! *grumble*

    Speaking of grumbles, I would hate having to reset to factory settings-I can totally relate to your 1st world problem issues there! All the passwords… eesh. Eesh and grumble. *z-snap* ;o)

  3. Getting back into a sleep routine can be hard. Oh my, the conditions some people live in would be shocking for most people to realize (unless they live in worse). I’m hoping your clients appreciate all that you do. Can you just do that thing where you hold down the “home” button and the power button on your ipad? (you’ll have to excuse my ultra-technological language!) -Jenn

    • I tried that. It made the iPod angry and it shut down completely. No worries. It’s up and running again. Only took 4 hours. This time I wrote down the password. Real secure!

  4. I think your job is tough from many angles — especially physically and emotionally. I don’t know if all of your patients can acknowledge your worth, but you know you make a difference for people who desperately need what you do. People who don’t work with people who have special needs often don’t understand just how challenging and rewarding a job like yours is. You get to peer into lives you would otherwise never know doing some other job — you get the social experience of a lifetime. Maybe you can see yourself as a mini sociologist!

    That was both fascinating to learn, but sad to know someone has a tobacco beetle infestation. Thanks for the link about the beetles. That was interesting.

    I did an EMS rideout program and saw all kinds of dreadful living conditions … The cigarette butt house sans tobacco beetles … The house where the kid’s room was a closet — seriously a closet … The debilitated patient who had a medical bed taking up the living room … The house with human feces in the corner of a room. So sad all this stuff and no way for you or any other healthcare provider to fix … Simply witness.

    Liked the song … It had a haunting quality that drew me in.

    Sorry about your car situation … You need your transportation for what you do. Can’t believe you have a 20 year old car still kicking it!

    Thanks for sharing your life with us! You are so needed. ❤

  5. Yes, I’ve done that kind of work and been in a few house’s like that, thankfully not many. My heart breaks for those people as does your and I empathize with you, Birdie, that there is not much we can do. But bless you for trying.

    It sure does sound like you could use a new car, I’m saving money too but this ain’t gonna be no short thing…ha. (mine is 20 too) geeze!
    She does try…yes indeed you do.
    I always love the music you put on, you have such good taste and it’s always new to me. Thanks x

  6. Thanks for the music. I always enjoy what you choose. I hope you can get better sleep. It will help with all the stress. Hugs!

  7. My heart aches for the people living those lives in those houses seemingly filled with such despair. You must seem a bit like an angel to them, coming in and helping them.

  8. Yuck on the bugs but love the song. You’ve chosen a tough profession but who cares for the care giver. Hugs honey!

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