The fuck? Yesterday I was at work with a client that is young. Very young. She has some very severe physical disabilities. We have had conversations about how hard her childhood was because she was teased and bullied a lot. I would expect people that have been made a target for being different would have a better understanding and learn about tolerance and coexisting. So I was floored when she said. “I hate indi@ns and g@y people.” Are you kidding me? The smile left my face instantly and I turned my back on her and did the dishes.
I still haven’t coloured my hair. I should. But there are a lot of things I should do like drink more water and lose 40 pounds. And get up at a decent hour on my days off. And eat more vegetables.
Today I went to a client with bed bugs. I wear these booties that go up to my knees and an apron that wraps all the way around me, a hairnet and gloves. After I leave I feel crawly. But mostly I feel sad for the client who is already very isolated with literally not one friend or family member. Most of the other workers don’t want to go there because she doesn’t fit into societies brand of “normal”. She is about 4 1/2 feet tall and yells everything. Her clothes never match, and that is when she changes them. Never married. Some sort of mental illness and social anxiety going on. And just lonely as fuck. When I was raising my kids I tried to teach them just one verse from the bible. “Whatsoever you have done to the least of these, you’ve done it unto me.” Jesus was speaking. It is so easy to love the loveable. But it is hard to love the crazy lady that yells and has a home infested with bedbugs. I hope I made her day a little better.
The days are getting shorter, yes? I am looking forward to and dreading the fall. The days when I am up at 6:00ish and it is dark and rainy and my 1997 car never really heats up. I have such a hard time in the fall and winter. The Bastard Depression and His Bitch Anxiety show up and make me want to off myself. This year I am planning ahead. I am taking a new medication and taking supplements and I am going to drag out my SAD light. But honestly, I feel at Their mercy. They decide how good or bad my mood is going to be. I keep reminding myself to be Mindful and to be in the moment. Because getting all worked up about what might happen doesn’t change things and just fucks up the moment I am currently in, which is not too bad right now.
Well, I should go make something to eat. Like every single night of my life I plan to go to bed early then 8:00 comes around and BING! wide awake. Why does that happen? How can I crawl through my day and be so tired that I could fall asleep the second I get home from work then be wide awake at bedtime. It messes a girl up, it does.