It’s Late

It is way past my bedtime and I would probably be asleep in a second if I put my head down but for some reason I am sitting typing a post at 1:45 in the morning. Norbert is visiting me and doing cat things. Licking. Staring at things. Jumping off the bed. Jumping back on the bed. Right now he is trying to get into the closet but he is too fat the closet is too small. Now he is back on the bed again and scratching. Now he is staring. Now he yawned.

OK, enough of that. I am feeling anxious and sad tonight. Also powerless. I fucking hate feeling powerless. It is so… without power. I need to make some very major life decisions but I don’t have the energy or a head that is clear enough to write it all down here. When I met with R., a blogging buddy from Heart in Hand she heard a fair amount and she gave me a quote from The Tragically Hip saying, ” No dress rehearsal, this is our life.” And that every person that went ahead with it ended up happier. (Sorry for being all mysterious. That is not an intention but a necessity.) And she is right. But fear pins me down. Fear and depression and anxiety. Fear. Always fear. If I can’t even write the words down how am I even able to begin to acting on them? *sigh* I don’t know. Maybe I should just sleep.

Is everyone watching the Olympics? I have watched about 30 seconds and that is when I was in clients homes. I keep forgetting they are on. Haven’t heard much about the election but that isn’t going to go away.


Could also be an add for shaving.

I had a massage today because I am still dealing with pretty bad pain from my fall at work a year ago this month. My massage therapist has me all taped up with kinsiology tape. You know that stuff athletes wear? I am not an athlete. What is the antonym for athlete? I don’t mean bystander. More like a sleeper or napper. Anyway… it does make a difference. Not a lot but a little better Range of Motion. If things don’t improve soon I will be  going back to physio where I get electrified needles put in my back muscles. Yes, that is a thing and it hurts! But it also helps.

OK, Norbert is being extra affectionate. I am going to have some kefir then go to bed. Norbert sends his regards. And a single purr.

22 thoughts on “It’s Late

  1. I am so sorry that the soul suckers of anxiety and powerlessness have made themselves at home in your head. So very sorry.
    I hope that Norbert purrs you to sleep and you can wake rejuvenated, ready to face whatever challenge is bringing you down.
    Heartfelt hugs.
    The only bit of the Olympics I have seen is that poor French gymnast breaking his leg. And being dropped by the paramedics. Things I really didn’t need to see.

  2. Fear and anxiety keep us from doing a lot of things. Life is brief. I know it’s easier said than done, but you may as well go for it. Much luck at whatever you do.
    Purr right back atcha’ Norbert.

  3. I’ve managed to watch no Olympics at all, but my older daughter is obsessed with it and my partner has just returned from Rio and all I’m hearing about is medals and people I just don’t care about. Sigh.

  4. First, so sorry that you are in pain…a year on! My daughter is a massage therapist. Her license plate reads: MGKHNS. (magic hands for those of us who are license plate reading I will send her up asap. She is a miracle worker. But in all seriousness, I hope you find a bit of a miracle soon.
    Second, it’s so weird that after we make the decision we suddenly see all the clues that were heading us to it. I have faith in you Birdie, that you can/will make the decision that is best for you, that will bring you happiness and health. Because if we give those things to ourselves, we kinda give them to everyone around us.
    OK, well that’s enough of that.

    I forget that the Olympics is (are?) on too. But that’s because I’m trying so hard to forget about all the other crap that they just get tacked on.
    My daughter and I have decided that my cat has no personality whatsoever. Norbert sounds fascinating 🙂

  5. If there is some corner of the big rug of change that you can lift just a little, It won’t seem so daunting. Are there any achievable goals you can break it down into? I also hate not having a plan towards a goal, or away from a problem.
    If you search out “the interesting thoughts of Edward Monkton” I hope you’ll find a smile or two. One is about a girl who believes she can do anything and so flies like an angel. No one tells her that her dress is tucked in her knickers in the back. It hits my funny bone.

    • As I sit today totally drained I am lifting that rug back just a little. It’s scary under there! Maybe a little more tomorrow. Thanks for the reading suggestion and for stopping by

  6. I’m a sleeper napper, too. Ha!
    Norbert… too cute. Today is Greta’s b.d. Hope the little ripper is resting sweetly. *sigh*

    No, not watching the Olympics.

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