It is way past my bedtime and I would probably be asleep in a second if I put my head down but for some reason I am sitting typing a post at 1:45 in the morning. Norbert is visiting me and doing cat things. Licking. Staring at things. Jumping off the bed. Jumping back on the bed. Right now he is trying to get into the closet but
he is too fat the closet is too small. Now he is back on the bed again and scratching. Now he is staring. Now he yawned.
OK, enough of that. I am feeling anxious and sad tonight. Also powerless. I fucking hate feeling powerless. It is so… without power. I need to make some very major life decisions but I don’t have the energy or a head that is clear enough to write it all down here. When I met with R., a blogging buddy from Heart in Hand she heard a fair amount and she gave me a quote from The Tragically Hip saying, ” No dress rehearsal, this is our life.” And that every person that went ahead with it ended up happier. (Sorry for being all mysterious. That is not an intention but a necessity.) And she is right. But fear pins me down. Fear and depression and anxiety. Fear. Always fear. If I can’t even write the words down how am I even able to begin to acting on them? *sigh* I don’t know. Maybe I should just sleep.
Is everyone watching the Olympics? I have watched about 30 seconds and that is when I was in clients homes. I keep forgetting they are on. Haven’t heard much about the election but that isn’t going to go away.
I had a massage today because I am still dealing with pretty bad pain from my fall at work a year ago this month. My massage therapist has me all taped up with kinsiology tape. You know that stuff athletes wear? I am not an athlete. What is the antonym for athlete? I don’t mean bystander. More like a sleeper or napper. Anyway… it does make a difference. Not a lot but a little better Range of Motion. If things don’t improve soon I will be going back to physio where I get electrified needles put in my back muscles. Yes, that is a thing and it hurts! But it also helps.
OK, Norbert is being extra affectionate. I am going to have some kefir then go to bed. Norbert sends his regards. And a single purr.