Pink/Blue Jobs, Good Dogs and Cranky

I am just going to post about more random things that came to my mind these last few days.

Tonight I was out with a group and we were discussing having a barbecue. The group is  predominately women with only a couple of men. The topic of barbecuing came up and almost all the women wanted the men to do it. One women actually said it was a blue job. Just a few weeks ago Joey posted a post about pink and blue jobs. At this point I let out an audible gasp and the woman in front of me turned around and started to laugh. (She knows me well enough.) The sad thing is all the other woman agreed and thought it was a great idea to let a man take over. God forbid a female turn on the BBQ. She might blow up the neighbourhood. Or chip a nail.

Moving on…

When I am working I see all sorts of people, from very wealthy to very poor and living in poverty. I see a man that is a sweet soul. He is very, very poor and was living in a crappy old run down hotel until the owner evicted everyone. This man was moved into an even worse situation. It is in the worst end of town and in the worst of the worst buildings. It is actually quite scary to walk around there even in the daytime. I go in this week and this man’s little dog looks at me with the saddest eyes I have ever seen. I swear he was asking me to help his owner. The dog (Sparky!) came right up to me and looked at me with such a desperate look. He wanted to do something. I can’t really explain it in words and even writing it out sounds silly. I just told him that he was a very, very good dog and I gave him pats on his little dog head. The look on that dogs face has stayed with me this week.

Moving on…

And I am cranky. My daughter is very  messy. She has so many great qualities but she is a total slob. I lost my shit this week and made her clean her room. She has hauled out bags and bags of dirty laundry. There were two extra large bins of just recycling and several bags of garbage. What has made me angry is the amount of dirty laundry. It smells so bad that it has to be kept outside. Outside! And because I am a foolish woman I am the one washing it because she is never fucking home to do it. And then when I dare ask her about what she wants to keep and what she wants to get rid of she gives me an attitude. The last three days I have done about 15 loads of laundry and not a word of thanks or gratitude. And I wonder how on earth I raised not only a slob who thinks it is OK to have plates with mold and a room that smells up the whole house but thinks it is somehow OK that I am doing her laundry. She is 18! And yes, I admit I am enabling her but there is no talking to her. At this point I am not going to give any of her clothes back because I am so angry. If she wants them back she is going to have to earn them back. I truly think God makes us like the mother cat I once fostered from the SPCA. She had her kittens and was such a good mama. She rarely left them. She loved her babies! She cleaned them and fed them and taught them every cat thing they needed to know. And then one day one of her kittens was just walking by and she swatted it across the room. She had had enough. She wanted them gone. I have no doubt that she loved her kittens but the full time parenting was done. It is time for my daughter to get her (figurative) swat across the room.*

 

*My daughter is an amazing human. She is smart and funny and beautiful inside and out. She is cool to be around and is loved by everyone. I get phone calls and e mails from her teachers to tell me what a delight she is to teach. I love her (and my son) more than anything or anyone on this planet.

 

16 thoughts on “Pink/Blue Jobs, Good Dogs and Cranky

  1. I really despair on the blue and pink jobs front.
    And no-one who reads your blog has any doubt that you love your children with every fibre of your being. Which doesn’t mean that you have to like their behaviour at all.
    Hugs.

  2. Ha ha thanks for the shout out. I first read your title as blow jobs. I really do need to go to church more often, and I go every week! Yes why is it that the BBQ seems to always be a blue job? I have no idea but my feeling is maybe women allow it because it’s one job they don’t have to do?

    Both my daughters leave their rooms just like you’ve described. I sell all their clothes on ebay. Ha.

  3. I love your words about cat parenting. Same with birds. Intense, constant tending and teaching and then, GOOD-BYE! Of course, I don’t want my children’s nests to be TOO far from mine…
    That little dog. Oh my god.
    I think men are just genetically wired to want to cook hunks of meat over a fire-like thing. I swear.

  4. I love your disclaimer about the fact that you love your children – of course you do. I am growing very comfortable with the fact that you can very much love your children, but be disappointed and pissed at them all at the same time. I like to think back at the way I acted toward my mom when I was that age and now I’m absolutely mortified over it. I just pray our girls have that same clarity in the future. You are a fabulous mom and I would have washed the clothes too.

  5. Birdie, thank you so much for sharing. The little dog…this touched me deeply. You are such a lovely person. Sending you warm hugs and much love.

  6. As someone who also shares a nest with an ingrate, I totally understand the need to swat. My husband said “Maybe we should just move to a one bedroom apartment and not tell anyone.” Ha!
    All the jobs in this house are pink. I hoped that the BBQing could be a blue job, but a color blind man can’t cook meat. True story.

  7. Birdie, a woman like you couldn’t do anything but love her children with all her heart. My daughter is 43 and she is still like this but she does eventually do her laundry, after it is piled so high on her bed that it’s like a small mountain. But I love her to the ends of the earth, too, and just walk away, obviously she’s never going to change. Live and let live..sigh.
    The little dog haunts me too. Your description was so vivid. I never know what to do in those situation either.
    I love to bbq.. I just push the guys out of the way. They get really mad..I don’t care.

  8. Making her earn her clothes back is the figurative swat across the room. But I would find a way to make her do her own laundry next time. That would be the ultimate swat and teach her what she will need to know when she finally moves out.

  9. P.S. There are no Pink and Blue jobs at my house. You just do what needs to get done around here and that’s it.

  10. I have two boys who resemble Felix and Oscar of The Odd Couple — one is incredibly neat and organized and the other a slob. It’s almost absurd. What it does do is relieve me of both burden and pride, as both are apparently their own person with no influence from me. I absolutely never sort or fold socks, though, and have recently let them do their own laundry.

  11. You actually made a good point about the pink and blue jobs. When I was in the workplace it was important NOT to chip a nail because I had to be all fancy schmancy for work. Left all the blue jobs to the blue men.

  12. Birdie, I can’t help with your daughter, other than to advise you NOT do her laundry. The dog may be helped and help his master at the same time. Many pet rescue groups are willing to help by delivering free dog food, arranging someone to stop by to walk the dog, etc. In so doing, they would increase your client’s social connections and keep an eye on him. I also believe that “Rebuilding Together” probably has a similar organization near you somewhere. They repair or rennovate homes for free, for needy folks.

  13. My dad refuses to do anything that is considered a “guy” job for that reason. His wife loves to grill! Which is a good thing, because he refuses to do it.

  14. Love the cat story. It’s a good analogy, isn’t it? I saw a mama bird trying to teach her babies to fly. It was hilarious. She would fly from tree to tree and they few behind her, chirp, chirp, chirping. She’d had enough and needed to kick them out of the nest. 🙂

    I don’t know how you do your job. I could never do it. I know it takes a toll on you.

    I never heard about blue and pink jobs before. Learn something new every day. You’ve taught me my new thing for today.

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