At work today I had a slap on the hand from the Universe/God. You all know I love what I do as a home support worker but find it challenging every so often. Most of the time I feel compassion for the people I care for. Most of the time I want to help in any way I can. But other times I lose my patience and wish the person I care for would just get their shit together and at least try to get better. The person I was with today is one of those people. Don’t misunderstand, I like her. I like her a lot. But she is so… directionless. As we were chatting today we were talking about nicknames. I told her mine from when I was little. My nana called me her Blue Eyed Button Bum. (I have never shared that one before!) She told me what her dad called her. She said it in french. I had her repeat it because I didn’t realize she was speaking french. I asked her what it meant. She said, “Piece of Shit”. My heart went into my throat. This awful nickname obviously made its mark on her life. She is sick. A recovering alcoholic and user who is clean. She is on welfare and living in a filthy environment. She is not employable and has very little going for her.
All the judging I had done came rushing back. I had thought that she was less than because of how she lived. All I can see now is a little girl wanting to be loved by her father and he in turn calls her Piece of Shit. No wonder she has not done much with her life. No wonder she turned to drugs and alcohol. No wonder she doesn’t bother to try.
I thank the Universe/God for keeping me humble and chastising me when I need it.