I have written posts before about going to the dentist and how much I hate it. Having someone that close in my personal space, especially a man, freaks me out. And then there is having shit shoved in my mouth. My jaw is little and I gag brushing my teeth. In the past I have had to take Ativan to get through. About 6 years ago I found a dentist that is a 40 minute drive from where I live but he is amazing. His hygienists are also really good. I could go to any number of dentists within 10 minutes of my home but I choose to drive to a tiny little community far away despite the drive. Today I went and was surprised to hear that my teeth were so good this time that I didn’t need polishing or fluoride. Yay! And I got through it all without an Ativan.
Last week I wrote about the continuing weaning off my antidepressant and I think that maybe my body kinda freaked out the first week because I am doing better now. At this particular moment in time I feel quite level. That isn’t to say that I am not having bad moments because I am, a lot of them, but I think I am getting better at realizing the bad moments are just moments and not necessarily going to lead to the sucking vortex of depression. I think the best way I can describe it is using The Black Dog analogy. It is said that dogs smell fear and when they smell fear they attack. Maybe depression works the same way? I have said many, many times that The Black Dog is in my neighborhood or at my front door or even sitting on my lap with his teeth around my neck. Maybe fear is what drives depression. It seems that way. For me anyway. Or maybe I am way off base and I am just in a good space for the last while. I don’t know and for once I am not analyzing the shit out of it.
In other news, The Ungrateful Bastard (Norbert) is loving spring. Ever since he was a kitten he has loved spring. He dances and prances and pirouettes. He spend most of his day trying to escape into the garden only to come tearing back into the house when something frightens him. Something like a leaf or a chickadee. He is a delicate and sensitive creature with a penchant for trying to assassinate us. After he comes back inside he sits on my husband’s lap where he feels safe. Then the routine starts all over again.
Well, I think that is it for now. The dentist is out of the way for 9 months. Next week is my yearly physical. That is actually a lie because I haven’t had a physical in about 4 years. Why not? Do I even have to explain? I mean, WTF? There are about 500, 000 things wrong with a physical and about 2 benefits.