Another Day Off

This week I am starting on my last doses of being off my anti-depressant. I will be on 25 mg. of Zoloft for 90 days then off all together. I am more than a little nervous. This week has not been great but I don’t know if it is because of the medication change or just life. Maybe a bit of both? Because if I keep feeling this way I won’t be continuing and will go back to 50mg. Work has been relentless but everything else is OK but I am still carrying a heaviness. All I really want to do is sleep.Sleep is my anchor but then I feel guilty for sleeping so much. I can’t win. But maybe that is the depression talking. It is the feeling of everything being so totally and pointlessness and heavy and sad. Actually, the more I think about it is I often feel this way on medication so maybe there is no point on being on it.

I wish I could not care and just let this go and just be fucking happy and content but I would have better luck at wishing that I knew the lottery numbers for next week.  Why am I like this? This heightened sense of just everything. People are sick and don’t have medical care. People are starving with more than enough food for us all. A 3-year old little boy is missing. Crazy politicians. Terrorism. Sickness. Disease. The environment. All stuff that no amount of medication can cure.

And it would help if it would fucking stop raining! Maybe I just need a good sleep.




13 thoughts on “Another Day Off

  1. Wait….why are you stopping your meds? I am going to go back and read back a ways and see if you explain…until then….(((HUG)))

    • Annette, I have been on medication for about 20 years minus the time I was pregnant and breastfeeding. And yet, I am still depressed. I have been on every medication under the sun and yet I am still depressed. I have been on high doses and yes, still depressed. It seems pointless to keep medicating myself to no avail. Let me say that I am not against being on medication even for the rest of my life if I have to but I have to at least see. As they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

    • I have been on medication for about 20 years and don’t know what my normal is. I am going off just to see how I do. My doctor is aware and supportive. As I said, I am depressed on medications anyway no matter how high the dose.

  2. I hope it works out for you, Birdie. I really do. It must be exhausting and frustrating being on all this medication for so long and not getting to the point you want to be. And I hope you have a good sleep. Some days that is what we need most.

  3. Sometimes a drug holiday is a good way to find your normal and see if your needs have changed especially after your surgery. Your hormones are going to be a bit different even though they left your ovaries in from what I’ve read. When I get too down about stuff I find a social media blackout help me. I just stop reading the news and stop going online and watch movies and read books instead or go for walks or whatever else strikes my fancy. Usually it helps me get over that hump. I hope you feel better.

  4. I hope a good night of sleep, does you wonders. Raining here now as well. But we are inside for the night so we don’t mind. Tomorrow, we take the pups to the doctors and that can get real stinky if it’s pouring wet. Dog hair wet mixed with the vet’s office. Weeeeee!

  5. I think it’s wise to do what you’re doing with your meds. I hope you don’t stop blogging – unless that really helps you. I would think it would help to write your feelings and I like hearing them. I do hope you feel better in the meanwhile. Sleep is my go to as well.

  6. I was wondering myself if I should go on meds, but I have a sneaking suspicion I’d be like you, not much change. So I’ll live with these cycles of peace and anxiety. Hmm, I wonder if the meds don’t work because what you have is not depression but anxiety. Jus thinking out loud, and possibly I’m deeply misguided. Be good to yourself dear Birdie. You are a tender hearted soul.

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