This week I am starting on my last doses of being off my anti-depressant. I will be on 25 mg. of Zoloft for 90 days then off all together. I am more than a little nervous. This week has not been great but I don’t know if it is because of the medication change or just life. Maybe a bit of both? Because if I keep feeling this way I won’t be continuing and will go back to 50mg. Work has been relentless but everything else is OK but I am still carrying a heaviness. All I really want to do is sleep.Sleep is my anchor but then I feel guilty for sleeping so much. I can’t win. But maybe that is the depression talking. It is the feeling of everything being so totally and pointlessness and heavy and sad. Actually, the more I think about it is I often feel this way on medication so maybe there is no point on being on it.
I wish I could not care and just let this go and just be fucking happy and content but I would have better luck at wishing that I knew the lottery numbers for next week. Why am I like this? This heightened sense of just everything. People are sick and don’t have medical care. People are starving with more than enough food for us all. A 3-year old little boy is missing. Crazy politicians. Terrorism. Sickness. Disease. The environment. All stuff that no amount of medication can cure.
And it would help if it would fucking stop raining! Maybe I just need a good sleep.