How Does a Salmon Throw a Ball?

While laying in recovery that question came into my mind. I can’t say I thought a long time about it but long enough for in to be weird. In the end I just felt bad for the salmon. And then I told my husband that my surgeon was hot. Which he is. But I don’t usually tell my husband that other men are good looking because I think my very own husband is still one of the most handsome men ever. I think it is kinda mean to tell your spouse that someone is good looking. If my husband told me that women were good looking I would feel a little hurt. But it is also a little unkind when that said person just spent 3 hours with your vagina.

And this was funny too. The nurse that was looking after me said that if I wanted I could give myself the pain suppository. I thought that it sounded like a good idea. But when I was doing it I lost it! It wasn’t like it could really go anywhere, I had blankets on me. The nurse and IĀ  looked and looked. I even got out of the bed but it was nowhere to be found. It turns out I didn’t lose it at all because it was up in the intended target. How, I do not know. I guess I am just really good at giving suppositories and now I have a story for whenever I give a suppository to a patient. I also lost my glasses but they were not in the same place as the suppository. They were on the floor.

The only think that went wrong is my actual surgery time. The hospital kept calling me and changing it so I ended up going way to early and was waiting for 5 hours. I didn’t get called out of the waiting room until just after 1:30. It wasn’t too bad because clever me smuggled in my MP3 player. It fits nicely into my glasses case.

It is amazing to me just how good I actually feel and how smoothly everything went. When my mom had her hysterectomy she was in the hospital close to a week and her recovery time took months. In the old days they cut you from stem to stern. I have two tiny incisions on my abdomen and one in my belly button. The rest was done through the vagina. (Is that too much information?) Though I have read articles that women that have a hysterectomy this way still need to take it slow because she doesn’t actually see the incision but it is there.

File 2016-01-05, 4 26 23 PMAnd one last thing. After the surgery they put these very poofy cuffs on your legs that inflate and deflate going up your legs. They are heated and very comforting. I want some!

 

 

16 thoughts on “How Does a Salmon Throw a Ball?

  1. I’m so glad it’s done and that it went well. One of our docs makes a joke about a gynecologist who can paint the hallway through the letterbox. Going through the vagina is way less traumatic to your body I’m thinking. Take care and get well soon.

  2. May your recovery proceed smoothly! And yes- take it easy, dear woman.
    I can’t believe the nurse let you insert the suppository yourself. That’s awesome!
    When they put those poofy cuffs on my mother when she was in the hospital after breaking her ribs, she thought they were restraining her. It was horrible. She did NOT enjoy them. But then again, she was not in her right mind.

  3. Still laughing. I am so glad that your glasses weren’t with the suppository. And in awe at your dexterity and skill.
    Big, big hugs (of the gentle cyber kind).
    Himself had those cuffs when he was last in hospital. Me think them ‘mazing.

  4. Hahah! It’s good to know you have such excellent aim! Make sure you tell that story to your patients before you insert their suppository though, not after. You don’t want any projectiles to duck when they laugh! šŸ™‚

    Those gynies are miracle workers in limited spaced procedures aren’t they? Mine put my IUD in so fast he might have used a blow dart.

  5. Oh and you can buy those pressure cuffs. I’ll see if I can find where for you. I think we sell them at work, come to think of it…

  6. I’m glad that you endured and came through. And I love that you are so funny. Honestly, you always make me laugh out loud. I wish I could meet you for real in real life. I could use a bout of constant laughter! Rest and get better quickly!

  7. This is wonderful news. I’m very happy that it’s over and that it went well. I had mine the old-fashioned way, but that was a long time ago. Recovery was a bear. So glad they don’t have to do that anymore. Good luck with your recovery.
    How does a salmon throw a ball? He calls the caterer and puts on his best tux.

  8. I’m glad to hear that you made it out ok. Take it easy woman, don’t go doing too much when you get home. I attribute all those funny things in recovery to the fun drugs they give you. I often say strange things too, but I’m on funny drugs all the time. Aahahahahaaaa!

  9. It certainly does sound like a smooth transition, which is great. A friend of mine’s mom had a hysterectomy when we were kids and it was really tough. Thank goodness there have been so many medical advances since then!

  10. Sounds like your surgery went well. Glad to hear that you are on the road to recovery. Keep us posted on your progress. And you are so damn hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!!

  11. It sounds like you are recovering wonderfully, your humor is definitely kicking. You had me laughing so hard! Continue to rest and take your time with recovery. The world needs you strong!!!

  12. Good for you…and you still have your sense of humour!
    Mine was hideous…stitches ripped…had to have a blood transfusion…months of recovery!
    Glad yours went smoothly!
    Take it easy…

  13. Yay! I’m glad it went well. Clever about the MP3 player, smooth move.

    Bonus about the hot surgeon. My hubby and I don’t tell each other every time we think someone else is attractive but sometimes we catch each other and say something like, “Is it just me, or is she hot?” or “He’s good looking, isn’t he?”

    Glad you got the updated hysterectomy šŸ™‚

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