Last night I had a terrible sleep. Dreams all night long that I am going blind. And even though I am really looking forward to no longer having a uterus I am very nervous about getting it done. And this fucking over-the-top holiday season. Every year starts and ends in tears for me. I wish I could have the time with family minus everything. Minus the tree and the decorations and the unending need for everything to be perfect. My mom always did such a good job of making Christmas beautiful and I can’t even manage to pull of 5% of what she did. The last week has been too much. Why do doctors these days give you a diagnosis, “Oh yeah. You are going blind. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out” and leave you to it. Google searches have taken over the time a doctor would sit with you and discuss your diagnosis.
This post is all over the place, isn’t it?
I don’t even know what I want. I have everything I need and then some but I just feel tired, empty, scared and overwhelmed.
I wish I had a river I could skate away on.