Another Song

It is a blue day here at Birdie’s house. That Black Dog is a nasty fuck isn’t he? There has been endless tears today. I am trying so hard to live with it. Currently I am trying to wean off my antidepressants because I really don’t think they do a whole lot of good. My doctor is supporting me in this decision and I am weaning off very, very slowly. If I have to go back on them I will but I have been on them for more years that I can remember so I want to try to go off and see what happens. I am not expecting to not be depressed,  I am just seeing how I am without them.

Though it has been a day off sadness I did have some nice things happen. When I was at the hospital getting my mammogram and breast ultrasound I saw a friend that works there and my ex-brother-in-law. He gave me the biggest hug. He and his wife are devout born-again Christians. If more Christians were like them I would go to church. They are truly beautiful people.

And this. This song touches the deepest part of my soul and makes me weep with the beauty of it all. This life. The sadness, the unspeakable joy. The darkness, the light. The anger, the love. The disappointments and unexpected beauty.


Listen with headphones.



11 thoughts on “Another Song

  1. Birdie, I am sorry to see you struggling so hard…You deserve a shitload of hugs…I’m sending one from far away…

  2. Yes ma’am. The black dog is a nasty, evil fuck. But eventually, he slinks away. I swear he does. Hang in there, sweet woman. I am holding out my hand to you.

  3. Dearest Birdie, I went through a deep struggle a few weeks ago with the evil black dog, so I know your pain. It is like walking through a black tunnel and wondering if we will ever see light again. Sending you a warm hug and much love, and my cat, Romeo, is adding his hug as well. (and this cat is not a hugger, so this says a lot). By the way, if you ever wish to “talk”, please feel free to leave me a comment with your e-mail address, letting me know that the message is for my eyes only, and I will copy down your e-mail address and delete the comment so nobody will see it. I only use e-mail for communication purposes, never for “e-mail forwards”, chain letters or spam, and I never, ever, give an e-mail address to anyone else. It will be safe with me. Hugs.

  4. So glad you got a big ole hug and so sad that you are struggling. I hope your med wean isn’t causing you any undue suffering, though I think you are right that you are depressed regardless. I am thinking of you and hoping that you get better days soon, in the mean time I hope Norbert is a little extra affectionate towards ya and that you see some cheerful holiday lights while you’re out driving one night and if you do, think of me giving you a big electronic hug right at that moment! Soldier on with that black dog, maybe we can each send ours to the kennel at the same time 😉

  5. The dreaded drug holiday, I hope it works out for you and you can kick the antidepressants to the curb. But not because taking them is bad but because you don’t need them anymore. I’m cheering you and your brain chemistry on to reset to a better happiness point for you!

  6. Oh, Birdie, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had a bad day and that’s this is such a struggle for you. I wish you well with the withdrawal and hope you receive good news about your mammogram.

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