The heaviness continues but there were moments of the day that were a little lighter. Mostly heavy though. I practice all the Mindfulness I can and really try to stay in the moment and yet…
It happens every fall and I should be used to it. I have done so much research into mood disorders for this time of the year. For me it is depression with a side of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I take all the proper supplements including a minimum of 4000 iu of vitamin D, calcium, kelp, magnesium… Need I list them all? No, probably not.
The only place I feel safe and not weighed down by anxiety is when I am in my bed so I spend a lot of time there. Well, not really. I was up just after 6:00 this morning. It was still dark when I left for work. Grabbed a coffee. Thank god for coffee even if it is just 7-11 coffee. Hey, it’s $1.00 and every 7th cup is free!
And I don’t like myself when I get like this because I know that I have everything to be thankful and grateful for. It’s not that I am not grateful because I know that I am better than most of the people living in this planet. But that is the problem. I know that the world is in such a troubled state. This upcoming election has really shaken me up. We are in a place where Canada is not Canada anymore. We (and please don’t be offended my lovely American readers) are becoming more like the United States. Our healthcare is going down the toilet and slowly becoming a two-tiered system. That’s what happens when it is so underfunded and people get fed up with the waits. Why wait when you can pay to get to the head of the line if you can afford to pay for it? We are throwing troops into war and sacrificing them in wars. Canada used to go in as peacekeepers. Not anymore. Anyway, I could go on but I won’t. Canada is no longer one of the best places in the world to live. Far from it.
So blah, blah, blah. I am getting more depressed that no amount of medication can fix. I think it is time for a hot bath then bed.