A Post Before Bed

Yes, it is just after 6:30 and I am starting to think about going to bed. One part of me is so deeply grateful for everything I have. The list is endless. I sit right now with a hot chocolate with a drop of Kahlua. I have slippers on my feet and a cozy sweater on. Thirty minutes ago I was cold and now I am warm. My home (at the moment) is full of love and welcoming. Today I went to Costco and picked up a few items. I want for nothing. Well, I want for nothing physically. And yet…

And yet, there is a sadness hanging around me that is hard to grasp. Is it the weather? It is dark and rainy today. A dampness that I am sure only people living in the Pacific Northwest can understand. But it isn’t just that. It is this deep feeling of melancholy. Politicians continue to disappoint. No it is beyond that. Politicians continue to make me fear for the future of my country. Stephen Harper and his crew are hate mongering, right wing autocrats. And then people laugh at the idea of Donald Trump ever getting in office. It is beyond scary that he is actually leading the polls. What is wrong with people? Maybe it is my spiritual life or the lack of it. A deep sense of wanting to feel Connection to Something and that Something is quiet and leaving me (and the rest of the planet) to figure it out on my own. Maybe it is my job. I am going back tomorrow after having my two weeks of holidays. Dread is about me. Does anyone else have a feeling of dread when going to work? Is that a normal thing?

Now that I have written it all out I feel a little lighter. Tonight I will crawl into new flannel sheets, so soft and warm and know beyond a shadow that I am living better than billions of other people and yet… And yet I yearn for change.

14 thoughts on “A Post Before Bed

  1. Hi Birdie, I think we all at some point in time dread going to our job. However, if this feeling is constant I suggest to the person to find something else where they can actually enjoy going in rather than dreading it. Your hot chocolate sounds great. I am not worried about the political issues, because I know that my worrying won’t help anything and will only hurt me in the long run. Take care of yourself and sending you a warm hug. Oh, and it may be helpful if you keep a journal…a daily one. Mark down what you eat and drink as well as your feelings, the weather, etc. It could prove to be helpful in finding out why you are feeling this way. Just a suggestion.

  2. Dearest Birdie…by the way, I am so happy you enjoyed the Air Farce Tim Horton video. It made me laugh hard, too. 🙂 🙂

  3. I love hot chocolate. I’m going to try a drop of Kahlúa in it.

    I know how you feel, Birdie, especially about politics. I think about the sort of people we have in our government, and it’s scary. Then it occurs to me that they come from our ranks. Is this the best we can find? There’s no compromise. It’s all “my way or the highway.” And the backbiting is horrible. The attitudes are frightening.

  4. It would take more than a drop of Kahlua in my coffee to allow me to sleep after thinking about politics. It is my intense effort to avoid thoughts of politics and religion. Have a lot more drops of Kahlua:-)

  5. If the dread is chronic, it might be time to look for another job. It’s a risk but at some point it’s worth it. You always have a choice.

  6. You’re having a post holiday crash. It happens to me every time I leave home. Seriously. Try to get some fresh air, go for a walk in the rain or whatever. Connect with nature. It’s like balm for the soul.

Comments are closed.