What a Lazy Bitch I Am.

I used to go into a home to care for an elderly woman who was in the mid to late stages of Alzheimer’s disease. Though she could no longer dress herself of find the bathroom she never lost her speech. In fact, she seemed to gain in that department because she learned to swear. And it was the funniest thing you have ever heard. It is like a toddler swearing. You are more shocked than offended. In fact, I played right along with her . “Where are your fucking socks?”  “Did you shit?” “How about we go upstairs so you can take a piss?” She would howl with glee and I cold pretty much get her to do anything, something difficult with those with dementia, by just dropping a curse word into the mix.

Today I smiled as I remembered her because she would always be surprised that her bed wasn’t made. She was sure she had made it. When we went upstairs to check she would say about herself, “Well, what a lazy bitch I am” and we would make it together but not really because she had lost the ability. She thought she was doing it and that is all that mattered. This morning I went to work but came home and have done almost nothing. There was a tiny bit of decluttering and I emptied and refiled the hot tub now that we are finally no longer under watering restrictions. I wiped the counters down and put shit away. When I first started out I was on the couch but I got too sore and have moved to the bed. Now I am propped up on many pillows and lounging like the fucking Queen of Sheba*.  I ordered Chinese food for dinner. What a lazy bitch I am!

*Not sure who the Queen of Sheba is but my mom used to say it when she was being lazy.

14 thoughts on “What a Lazy Bitch I Am.

  1. My mom would say that too. I never really knew who Sheba was but I figured, she lived well. You supper sounds good. What kind did you get? I sometimes miss being able to eat that.

  2. Love this. I think I remember my mom saying something like, “Who are you? The Queen of Sheba?” We had Chinese delivered earlier this week 🙂 Love that story. Hope you feel betterer. Betterer just seems like the right word at the moment!

  3. Sounds more like in pain than lazy. I had to look up Queen of Sheba, because that’s what I’m like. A whole bunch of different stories as to who she was but no facts, just theories. Looks like she was probably black and African which surprised me. Makes sense if you think about it though, Israel and Africa are next door to each other.

    Hope you’re feeling better soon.

  4. I loved this. Those dementia clients…..so amusing, most of the time. LOL I think we all deserve to behave like the Queen of Sheba (my mom used to use that one too) every now and then. ❤️

  5. Add me to the list of people whose mama talked about the Queen of Sheba.
    And just to be confusing, called her dog Sheba.
    Loved your story about the woman with dementia.
    And no, you are not being lazy. At all. Pretty certain you don’t know how.

  6. Well it is a holiday weekend and the holiday is labor day so I’m being a “lazy bitch” too and thanking Unions for this long weekend. Healing is not being lazy by the way, just saying cause you seem to think you should be jumping through hoops and doing all sorts when in fact you are supposed to be taking it easy so you back can heal. Call yourself the Queen of Sheba and have your servants tend you, it’s only right.

  7. I swear like the dementia lady already!
    Lazy bitch days are welcome!
    I have no idea how to drain our hottub. That’s HIS department.

  8. This is great! I tired the swearing stuff and found I can get myself to do a lot more if I swear about it: vacuuming the damn floor; mop the F**ing kitchen; clean the shitty bathroom; etc. It really works!

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