Fuck it

mathI am sitting here crying like the little girl I was in grade 4. I had to move back to a grade 5 level in math and I still don’t understand it. I  just feel stupid and overwhelmed. If I can’t figure this out I will not be able to become a nurse. If I can’t become a nurse I will not be able to work in palliative care. For the last several years I felt I was called to work in palliative care. Am I wrong? Maybe I am. This math is stuff a 10 year old knows how to do. How I am ever going to get through grade 11 algebra if I can’t get through grade 5 math. The smart thing to do would be just to throw in the fucking towel now. There is no point in doing any of this, the Biology and English. Right now I hate my grade 4 teacher for knocking me so hard on the head for not understanding, asking if I had rocks in my head. Hurt and shame. And now it is hanging on me. Like shame does, it makes you feel everything about you is wrong. Everything.

16 thoughts on “Fuck it

  1. I had a terrible time with math too Birdie. If it makes you feel a little better. I use a calculator to do all the math at work even when it’s simple as my head seems to drop numbers. It’s easy math too…like figuring out what 40% of 37.5 is. Calculator all the way.

    Some people are good with numbers, some are good with art (I cannot draw a convincing stick figure, myself) and some are good with words. It’s not unusual to find at least one of these things difficult. (Hugs) xx

  2. I had the same experiences you describe with maths all the way through school…Throwing in the towel isn’t the answer because it will just re-enforce all of those negative feelings, and you are not a stupid or incompetent person…Can your instructor help you locate a tutor or perhaps a retired teacher who has worked with people with learning disabilities such as yours? I would try that before giving up. Hugs.

  3. Oh no I feel your pain, I’m shit at maths, so I can relate. I haven’t got any good advice I’m afraid, but I don’t really understand why a nurse needs to be able to do algebra anyway. Science I understand, but why maths?

  4. Shuck off the shame and get a tutor. Do it! You CAN do this. I promise you. I have seen you do amazing and miraculous things. You can, Birdie. I know you can.

  5. There are math learning disabilities but we only seem to recognize the reading problems in people. It doesn’t mean you can’t do math it means it will take you longer to learn it. It would be easiest to quit but that would mean you can’t achieve your dream. How badly do you want your dream? Will you be able to be happy and satisfied with your life if you give up now? You may be at a grade 5 math level now but I’m pretty sure you will pick up this math and be able to move on if you keep trying. You aren’t stupid because you have difficulty learning something like math, that doesn’t make you dumb. That just means you have to figure out where your difficulty is and learn a way to overcome it. It’s an obstacle in the way of you getting to your dream so find a way to overcome it, that’s all it takes.

  6. Oh Birdie. I come from a family who were all math motivated and math literate. And they didn’t value anything else. I was in my thirties before I realised that I am not stupid.
    Echoing those who suggest a tutor. It would be such a shame to let that fourth grade assassin destroy your dream. A shame for you, and a crying shame for all the people you cannot help.

  7. As a BSN, I can tell you never in my entire nursing career did I ever use math. Never, ever. I have no idea why nurses are required to take it at all in school…it’s simply ridiculous. I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling…I barely managed to get through it myself.

  8. No, Birdie, please don’t give up! Go back in math as far as you have to. Then just take learning it ONE little step at a time. Each step builds a firm foundation because you have to walk before you can run. Math is logical and you are a logical person. I know you can do it!

  9. Birdie, math was never my strong subject, but please don’t feel stupid and stop being so hard on yourself! Sending you a hug.

  10. Math is not my thing either, Birdie. I’m awful at it. You need a tutor. Sometimes college students will tutor for a very reasonable price. Good luck.

    • Omg I so suck at math too! I stopped taking college courses because I couldn’t even figure out the calculator to do the business math. Business math. Frick!
      Get your kids to help you! If it’s a fundamental thing you’re trying to learn, our kids have learned eight different ways to do math problems now. All part of their critical thinking. They’ve totally changed how they teach it now, compared to when we were kids.
      Good luck!

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