It’s a Go Out For Dinner Kind of Night

This is not the final result of my new blog look but because I am getting old and no longer know how to make a nice looking blog page this is the result. My first ever blog took maybe an hour to create and it was way better than this.

Here is the latest development at our house. I worked overtime today and then I came home to my son gone. He has had since last June to find full-time work (35 hours a week)  but has not managed to really even try. He has had extension after extenstion. One of the latest extensions was his 19th birthday at the end of February. He did find work but not full-time. I said he could top it off with volunteer work but he came up with every excuse in the book. The weekend before last I told him his last day was Saturday (21st) and that is when he finally contacted a local thrift store where he could volunteer. So, I gave him until this Thursday to be working 35 hours a week. If not he needed to pack his bags and leave this coming Saturday. He got pissed off and just left today. His dad lives a couple hours away and played the hero and came and got him. I am angry and hurt for so many reasons. First, he dad has done fuck-all over the years. He has been paying the same amount in child support for the last 13 years. He has barely seen the kids the last 2 years. And mostly I am angry at my son. He wants to sleep all day and play video games all night long, going to bed at five or six in the morning.  I come home from work everyday between 1 and 3 in the afternoon and he is still in bed. Do you see where I am going? Last week my doctor wrote me a note to take time off work because I am so stressed and yet I continue to go. I get up every morning between 6:00 and 6:30 which is drudgery for this night owl. When I come home and he is still sleeping it is like a kick in the face. He can’t even get his shit together to get up to start work at 9:00.

Anyway, I came home today with a pounding headache from a client smoking and got a Skype message that he had left. To top it off he didn’t even call his part time employer to say he was quitting. He just didn’t show up for work. Are you fucking kidding me? I did not raise my kids this way. The very least he should have stayed until Saturday. At any rate he is for a rude awakening. His step-mom will likely kick him out within the month if he doesn’t work.

The hardest part is my son has never given me a moment of trouble. From the time he was born he was a joy to be around. He is quiet and gentle and doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. He is a pleaser and does anything I ask. Except working. He just doesn’t want to work.

So, he is gone. My baby moved out today. I am sad. And I am going out for Chinese food to comfort my Mama heart.

17 thoughts on “It’s a Go Out For Dinner Kind of Night

  1. He will figure it out eventually. It seems to be a part of growing up. My son was the same, sleeping all day. Drove me crazy. Your son will be okay.

  2. Having children is the greatest joy and the greatest heartbreak all rolled up into one relationship. I am sorry you are sad….I can feel your sadness. Is there a chance he’s dealing with his own depression? Young men fyi ally get hit with their mental health issues right around 19 and 20.

  3. He’ll sort himself out sooner or later, but not while people bail him out. If his step-mum throws him out, don’t go soft and let him back. It’ll be tough, but best thing for him. And take time for yourself this week. You deserve it.

  4. I remember that age. Sleeping late is part of the deal. It’s something about their internal clock. Wait till they’re sixty and can’t sleep more than four hours straight. 😦 You’re right. His dad and his wife will get a snout-full soon and kick him out. I agree with the commenter above. Don’t soften. It’s so hard to be a mother. Take care of yourself during this time. Let it be a break for you. I know it’s hard. Trouble with our kids is always tough. It takes awhile, but he will figure it out, meanwhile, you know he has a safe place to stay. Let his dad do some of the work you’ve been doing for years.

  5. I like the colours you’ve chosen for your blog! Your son is an adult and needs to learn how the world really operates. Martha’s right — tough love is a blessing in disguise.

  6. Parenting adult children is THE hardest thing! He won’t fall apart because you put your foot down, he is proving that. Let him make his mistakes and his own way. He’ll exhaust his options quickly if he continues to lay around. This will force him to grow up eventually. They always do, but it’s painful to watch, isn’t it?

    Nurture yourself. Maybe you should make plans for his room. Make sure it doesnt have a bed in it so that if he comes back, he will be greatly discomforted.

  7. You did the right thing Birdie no matter how hard it was. Some times kids have to learn from failure. We can’t do everything for them they have to want to do things for themselves. He will quickly find out that unless he can find a rich girl friend who is fine supporting him while he lays around all day that he needs a job. I continue to push and shove my son and will shortly have to do the same thing you did the only difference is that my son would have no where to go unless his grandparents would take him in which they won’t. No one ever said life was going to be easy. sigh

  8. I have four brothers and every one of them was just like your son is now. They would sleep the day away and not look for work. They would spend an hour at least in the bathroom getting a shower. Then they would call their friends on the phone and get dressed and go out all night. Dad stayed up all hours of the night worried about them. He and mom finally kicked them out one by one. It was hard, but they finally got their shit together and got their lives together. It’s a part of growing up. They need tough love to point them in the right direction. Yes, it’s hard on the mom, but you will get over it eventually. Great big hugs to help you through this, darlin.
    On behalf of your blog design. It’s very uplifting in the color scheme. I really love it. I got wonderful vibes with the pastels. This idea is a keeper.

  9. I think your blog is looking lovely birdie…I enjoy the color scheme! I went to your old blog and the first thing I saw was the video for Free Hugs. I remember when that came out, and it was a beautiful thing. I still love it.

    I bet it was heartbreaking to stick to the bottom line with your son, but you did the right thing. When my brother and I reached 18 my parents said we could go to school full-time or work could work full-time…otherwise we had to leave. It was a good motivator. I chose to comply and my brother did not, and he learned many lessons once he got out in the real world. It’s hard but must be done. Many hugs my dear.

  10. I am sorry to read this and wish I could offer you something to ease your frustration. How about a blogger hug? I can give you that and some homemade cookies. Although they’re dairy-free, no one can tell.

  11. Wow just popped in for my weekly catch up and love your new blog, even though I couldn’t quite work out straight away how to comment!

    And your son…’s such a tough time those in between teen and adult years, for us parents and for the young people too! All this will build more strength and resilience for him I am sure, and he will appreciate you more when faced with the reality of life elsewhere….even if it is with his Dad. He’s always seemed like a great young person to me and will work it all out in time. Make sure you look after yourself. Xxx

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