I don’t even know where to start because there was so much wrong. He did say I was about halfway through peri-menopause which makes me see a possible light at the end of this very long tunnel. For years everyone has been telling me that I am too young for this. Well, they were wrong. My numbers are all low except one. In addition, I am heading to an adrenal crash brought on by stress. He has about 15 things for me to do including simple things like adding trace minerals and more complicated things like adding progesterone, testosterone and Estriol. He had a lot more to say but looking at my numbers shows that I have been in crisis for a long time. It explains the depression and the anxiety and feelings of hopelessness and despair. It explains why I am always so tired that I can barely think. I now have to wait another week to see my doctor so he can prescribe the medications recommended and from there it will take several weeks before I start feeling better. Right now, well I can’t feel any worse. Every day I get through without harming myself is a good day. Things are so bad that if I had gone today and he had told me that nothing was wrong with me I was considering suicide. Yes. That is how bad it is right now. I cry all day long and have no support. I can’t tell anyone how I feel which is why I write here. I don’t want to be a burden to those around me. The thing is, I am a burden. And sometimes I feel like everyone would be so much happier if I wasn’t around. Who wants to be with someone who is always crying? I stay alive for my kids because I don’t want to leave them with a legacy of a mom who killed herself. My husband is sick of me and I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to be married to me. You can all say what a horrible person he is but you don’t have to live with me like he does. It is easy to support me when you don’t have to live with me day for years.