First of all, I feel like my body is weighted down. It takes effort to move my fingers even to type. I stopped by your blogs today and most of the time I could not form a thought to leave a comment. I can think in snippets but can’t think in sentences. Today it took every last bit of mental energy to move my e mail to Outlook. In the end I could not do it and had to call my internet provider to do it for me remotely. It was so easy but I just kept forgetting what he said to do and I could not remember my passwords. He was very kind and gracious and I very apologetic as he took over my computer at their office and did it all for me.
I woke today at about 9:00 and all I want to do is sleep. I am supposed to go out tonight but the thought of that overwhelms me and I feel like crying. I just want to stay home. Going out. It is a punishment. I think instead I am just going to get into my pyjamas and have some soup that our neighbour brought over. She is a lovely, lovely woman that I mentioned a few posts back. Her husband is dying. Today we found out his kidneys have failed. Why do bad things happen to such wonderful people? Why? It is the one of the many things that is causing this current depressive episode. The world doesn’t make any sense to me. No. It troubles me greatly. As I have said before, depression for me is not a dis-ease about my own life or a lack of anything but all the sadness and injustice in the world. There is so much hate. Everybody wants to fight. Nobody really cares about anyone else. Nobody bothers to sweep his/her own doorstep. I do not like living in a world where people care so little about one another. I feel like I give 100% and get back about 2%. I don’t give to get back but when you only give you eventually become empty. I don’t really have a God to pray to that I feel cares about me so I feel mostly lonely. Honestly, you are all my God. You are the ones that give back to me.
This post has exhausted me so until next time, Be Good to One Another.