First, I decided to password protect some of my old posts. Just ask if you want the password. I will explain why I put it on password protection at the same time.
I have only been dealing with the hot flashes/mood swings/chin whiskers etc. for about two years or so now and I have had enough. I am going crazy. I look ugly. You can say all you want but I do. I use to be so cute but since my mom died and all the dealings with The Black Dog of late I just look old. I don’t know the person in the mirror anymore nor do I care to. Even though I have lost 25 pounds I can’t make myself care. Who cares what I weigh? Really? Who cares? I feel I have little to offer this world. I am not good at anything. I am not intelligent. I have no musical ability, I am not artistic, I am not talented at anything. But I know how to love. I don’t know anything anymore. I feel like a failure.
But I have to go on for the sake of my kids. I can’t leave them that legacy. This is a feeling that no amount of antidepressants will take away, I will just go on feeling that underlying hopelessness and sadness. Some days will be OK and I have become an expert at faking it. (There is something I am good at.)