Back in the day when I went to church regularly I had a friend that would give me a ride. He would usually arrive looking tired and disheveled because he had just woken up. He would then quote the scripture, “Consider the ant and be wise” but he would just say “Consider the ant!” in the voice of Hyacinth Bucket. Anyway, I guess I should consider that ant because I do almost nothing on my days off. Getting up at 6:00 is not getting easier and I am not getting used to it. I am more tired than ever. I get some household chores done but my househusband (retired) does the lion share. Maybe as the days get longer I will find it a little easier to get up so early. I do look back at my friend and realize he was anything but lazy. He worked two jobs, roofing and laying pipe. Both are well-known to be exhausting work.
Today our neighbour got accepted into the palliative program. I know this not because they told me but I know the signs. Nurses and doctors coming and going, medical equipment being delivered. It is a good program for lack of better words. Once you are considered palliative everything is paid for. The reason for this is to keep you home for as long as possible and out of the hospital. I also know because I went through this with my mom. I hated that hospital bed in the living room. It was the reminder that she was going to die and soon. I want to go over to my neighbours but I have seen the steady stream of company. When my mom started actively dying she had so much company. It was exhausting because every visit was the same. “No, there is nothing more that can be done.” “No, there are no experimental treatments .” “Yes, she has been to a Naturopath” (!) “Her pain is being managed.” I know all those blessed people meant well but we just wanted to focus on her being alive at that moment and not have to tell the story all day long. Near the end I had to send out an e mail asking people to hold off on visits for now. For now. Like she would eventually be well enough to see people. Why do we say this shit? It was clear she was going to die and it would happen soon. Anyway, our neighbour is dying and I don’t want to burden my neighbour and his wife. I wish I could do something but is there anyway to soften the beast and make this process easier?
Since New Year’s I have been cleaning out old e mails and removing my name from lists. I have deleted my blogroll to a manageable level but I have done this before and ended up accidentally deleting blogs of people I read often. As I said before, it is a year of lightening. I am lightening my body of excess weight (though I am so unmotivated right now) and my life of excess stuff. I need to go through my closets and cupboards and purge.