I seriously think I need to go on some hormones because I am going wacka-do-wacka-do. Angry one minute, sobbing the next, emotions all over the place. Periods every 2 weeks. And the hot flashes! We were out geocaching the other day and everyone is bundled up in their winter coats. Me? I am carrying mine and sweating. A lovely sight. Mama said there would be days like this. So did Nana. Shit, I miss those women. What I wouldn’t do for a long sit down talk with both of them about peri-menopause and hormones and hair falling out and cramps and crying over having no milk in the fridge. Dear god, we never stop needing to be mothered. Which is why I am thankful for all of you that mother me and guide me. You all love me and oh, I am grateful.
I have been home sick with a cold, a cold that in any other job would see me at work but the people I care for are walking a thin line to begin with so, I stay home.
One thing that I can write about is my dad is going on his first date since my mom died. I know the lady and like her very much. The woman is actually the wife of his best friend from about 45 years ago. My dad was the best man at their wedding. He died of a heart attack about 15 years ago. She remarried but he turned out to be the most awful of men, a pedophile. She divorced him and has been single again for a long time. She and my dad decided to go on a date sometime in the near future. I am glad because my dad is lonely but there is the little girl in me that is sad. I know it doesn’t mean he will stop loving my mom but…I don’t know, I guess it is just that last piece of the whole thing that makes my mom truly dead. And that hurts. To add to it, my dad put his house up for sale on a whim and an overpriced whim at that and had an offer that day for the full price. The inspector has been in and now he is just waiting to hear back. This will mean going through the house and getting rid of the last of my mom’s things. Her china that I don’t really want and loads and loads of stuff. That hurts too. A stabbing into my soul where the most hurtful hurts reside.
Tonight I am way overtired and need to get to bed even though it is only 7:15. Maybe a good strong sleep will right my weary soul.