A Post About Ugliness in My Soul

I need a little bit of a story before I comment on ugliness in my soul. A story about my ex-husband’s wife. She is mean. She is mean to my kids and is mean to me. She has threatened me on several occasions for e mailing her husband, my children’s father, about past due child support. My ex has been paying the same amount of child support of 14 years. I have never asked for an increase even though he legally should be paying more. At the moment he owes money in the thousands. I have let it slide and let it slide. I have let is slide for so long that I am deeply in debt. I won’t go into details. But it is his wife. If I e mail him and ask him about child support she goes nuts. She threatens me with, “You don’t know who you are dealing with”. She threatens me with law suits for “harassment”. It got so bad that I have just stopped asking for money at all.

But this post is about the ugliness in my soul. 

Two weeks ago my daughter told me that this mean woman has cancer. My first thought? I didn’t care. I am not happy that she has cancer but I thought if anyone deserves it, she does. You know how so many kind and caring people get diagnosed and die from cancer and then we always wonder why it never happens to the assholes? Well, she is an asshole. But what the fuck am I thinking? She doesn’t deserve to get cancer. What bothers me is how I have allowed the darkness of someone else permeate my heart. My normal everyday self is loving, gentle and compassionate. I am a Quaker! I believe in Peace, Equality, Truth and Simplicity. How did I let her ugliness make my ugly? Her anger caused anger in me. And I let it. It is not her fault. it is mine.

Anyway, I was driving when this hit me. I prayed to my God and asked for forgiveness. I sincerely prayed for her to be well and make a full recovery. I don’t want her hatred or anyone else’s to become part of me. 

13 thoughts on “A Post About Ugliness in My Soul

  1. I can understand your initial reaction and am glad to hear you modified it in a way that suits who you are and what you believe in.. my thoughts are that. hate is a powerful~ extremely energy draining emotion and this gal you speak of doesnt deserve your time or energy.
    spend it loving yourself instead:)

  2. Hey babe- let’s be honest. We can’t love everyone. That’s all there is to it. And can you just inform the authorities about your ex and his non-payment and let the legal system take care of it? Because there shouldn’t be any emotional bullshit about this. They’re his kids and he owes the money. Period. The end.

  3. Forgive the bitch. Place the blame where it goes and that is on the children’s father. He needs to step up to the table and take control of what he owes and take control of his current wife. Hire a lawyer. That is what I finally did and managed with ease to get the child support increased and to get my legal fee paid by my ex. He was a super freak about all of it but I held my ground and it was one of the greatest achievements of my life and it was for the CHILDREN!!!

  4. What an honest and HUMAN post! Seriously?! I love this. Because you’re vulnerable and real.
    Contact maintenance and let them deal with the money. Don’t worry about being nice about it either, deadbeat dads are assholes.
    Here’s what I know about cancer: if someone is an asshole and gets cancer, it quite often doesn’t change the fact that they can still be an asshole. Time will tell.

  5. I think everyone has these kinds of thoughts. You’re human.

    When my husband was so awful during our divorce, beyond awful, he dropped Katie off with me, not at her house but with me and said he was going home to die. For one second the thought flashed through my head that it would be so much easier if he killed himself and I was a widow. And then I picked up the phone and called his sister and told her to take my husband to the hospital because he wanted to kill himself.

    You made a mistake. Me too. We’re human. Sending hugs. And get the money from him that he owes you and your children.

  6. Your kids deserve the money so you really should notify the courts. They can simply garnish his wages. My sister got tired of asking for money her child support (her lame ex couldn’t even manage $14 a month) and the court took over for her so she never had to deal with him and money again. That’s how child support should be dealt with because so many people are not responsible enough to fulfill their obligations to their children.
    Forgiveness is great but Karma is pretty satisfying too.

  7. Can the courts help you? I am confused on how your system works. Here, people go through and the judge decides. Not the X-spouse.

    Sorry about how you are feeling. Hope you can let go and maybe not have to deal with her at all, which would be the best.

  8. Don’t beat yourself up, Birdie, about the cancer victim. We all have reactions like this with people that we feel are real assholes. It’s human.

    And don’t back down from the child support. That money is for your kids, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about asking for it. DEMANDING it, in fact. He absolutely has to pay for it; they are his kids, too. Drag his sorry ass to court if you have to, and don’t blink an eye. Just my opinion, of course.

  9. DSWS lol!!.
    Your feelings on hearing that were understandable as was your remorse afterwards. It is a sad thing for her , but yes, its important not to allow someone elses ugliness to become part of us, but it is very hard to do ( but worth it)

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