Ah, but I have not been up to much at all. Working, sleeping, eating healthy shit. Oh, and I bought myself a year’s pass to the aquatic centre. That’s right. Swimming, I love the water. In fact, being in water feels more like home to me than land. I have been walking everyday but if you know anything about the Pacific Northwest you know it rains. A lot. Like 300 days a year. So if I am going to keep active walking isn’t going to be my first choice. So anyway, I will be swimming. As of today I am down 14 pounds. I have been tracking every bite and keeping my calories under 1500. One day I went over but it was still only 2,000 or so. I am not at the point yet where people are noticing and that is a little frustrating. Anyway, I want to lose 29 more pounds. You know how people eat well for a long time and then say that things like potato chips and candy don’t taste as good as they remember. It is weird but it is true. I bought myself a small bag of chips tonight and they didn’t taste right. Like salted cardboard. I also had a few pieces of candy but they just tasted blah. I am still not all fired up about celery but it is just strange to not want to eat junk. That said, I had some grapes tonight and noticed that the package said, “treated with sulphur dioxide for fungicide use”. WTF? There is no way that can be good. I will be throwing them away. Kind of like the chips and candy. It isn’t worth it. No doubt someone is being paid to say that it is safe but chemicals on my food? Not when I can avoid it.
Robin Williams. Oh, dear god. Whenever I hear that anyone has to resort to suicide something inside of me breaks. Because I have been there. When living hurts way too much. You want to live but not in a place of darkness, hopelessness and anxiety. When, oh when are we going to do something about this awful disease? Something more than creating new medications. Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful for the medications. I am on one of them. But there must be something more that can be done. That won’t happen until people feel safe saying they battle depression. A few weeks ago at work a coworker was going on about how “everyone” is on antidepressants and it it total “bullshit”. I quietly said in front of the entire staff room that I was on antidepressants. She shut up quickly but I have no doubt she has not changed her mind on the issue. There are some people’s minds that can’t and won’t be changed. Meanwhile, people are dying,