A beach ball. A dog. A Log. A poodle. A noodle. A doodle.

swimming

Ah, but I have not been up to much at all.  Working, sleeping, eating healthy shit. Oh, and I bought myself a year’s pass to the aquatic centre. That’s right. Swimming, I love the water. In fact, being in water feels more like home to me than land. I have been walking everyday but if you know anything about the Pacific Northwest you know it rains. A lot. Like 300 days a year. So if I am going to keep active walking isn’t going to be my first choice. So anyway, I will be swimming. As of today I am down 14 pounds. I have been tracking every bite and keeping my calories under 1500. One day I went over but it was still only 2,000 or so. I am not at the point yet where people are noticing and that is a little frustrating. Anyway, I want to lose 29 more pounds. You know how people eat well for a long time and then say that things like potato chips and candy don’t taste as good as they remember. It is weird but it is true. I bought myself a small bag of chips tonight and they didn’t taste right. Like salted cardboard. I also had a few pieces of candy but they just tasted blah. I am still not all fired up about celery but it is just strange to not want to eat junk. That said, I had some grapes tonight and noticed that the package said, “treated with sulphur dioxide for fungicide use”. WTF? There is no way that can be good. I will be throwing them away. Kind of like the chips and candy. It isn’t worth it. No doubt someone is being paid to say that it is safe but chemicals on my food? Not when I can avoid it.

Robin Williams. Oh, dear god. Whenever I hear that anyone has to resort to suicide something inside of me breaks. Because I have been there. When living hurts way too much. You want to live but not in a place of darkness, hopelessness and anxiety. When, oh when are we going to do something about this awful disease? Something more than creating new medications. Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful for the medications. I am on one of them. But there must be something more that can be done. That won’t happen until people feel safe saying they battle depression. A few weeks ago at work a coworker was going on about how “everyone” is on antidepressants and it it total “bullshit”. I quietly said in front of the entire staff room that I was on antidepressants. She shut up quickly but I have no doubt she has not changed her mind on the issue. There are some people’s minds that can’t and won’t be changed. Meanwhile, people are dying,

10 thoughts on “A beach ball. A dog. A Log. A poodle. A noodle. A doodle.

  1. All we can do is just to keep doing what we’re doing and ignore the ignorance and try to feel compassion for those who are ignorant (assholes, in other words) and I am very proud of you for eating well and swimming and walking. It is hard but you are doing it.

  2. Depression is an awful disease. Parkinson’s is as well. I have a friend whose husband committed suicide not long after he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. What I didn’t know is that Parkinson’s can cause mental changes as well. The world is a worse place without Robin Williams. He twinkled. By that I mean his soul’s light shone brightly on the world. I have some patients like that.

  3. Yay for the pass to the aquatic centre! Good stuff. And it sounds like you’re doing great.

    When the public is properly educated and the stigma is lifted from mental illnesses, only then will we do something significant about these diseases. I know I sound terribly pessimistic, but I’ve read a lot of ignorant, derogatory and ridiculous things in the past couple of days regarding the death of Robin Williams and mental illness in general, particularly depression. It has literally suffocated me and made my heart hurt. I’m sure I’ll feel more optimistic soon enough.

    It broke my heart when I read about Robin Williams. Such a kind, sensitive and tormented soul. The world is sadder and darker without him in it. May he rest in peace…

  4. Love your healthy eating, walking and swimming. I need to do more of that myself. A lot more.
    Depression is a soul-sucker. If one good thing can come out of losing Robin Williams I hope that it allows people to talk honestly about depression and indeed about all of the mental illnesses. We have got a very long way to go. Hugs.

  5. WTG on your healthy eating and exercising! It must feel fantastic. I could lose a lot of weight too and you are an inspiration for me. When I see other people succeeding at being healthy I know I can do it too.
    I wish someone could figure out why so many people are depressed. There must be a reason so many people are suffering. It seems like in the past fewer people had depression or maybe it was just reported less. Either way it breaks my heart to see people who have lost their laugh and zest for life. I’m glad to hear you stood up and spoke out to that person. No one should feel ashamed of being depressed.

  6. That woman is an idiot and probably has issues herself that she just can’t face. I am sorry it takes the death of someone famous to bring this out into public conversation, but let’s keep that conversation going.

  7. PS And GOOD FOR YOU for speaking up. My first experience with stigma was in college, when a fellow student editor at the paper said, “Hell is when your roommate is on antidepressants.” I told her I took antidepressants. Pause. “So do I!”

  8. 14 pounds! That’s a real accomplishment and I know people will notice once your body does that “readjustment” thing and the inches just suddenly disappear and everything gets realigned! I don’t know why that doesn’t happen gradually, but it doesn’t.

  9. Fabulous to hear you are doing so well with the diet and exercise changes. You’ve really taken this on haven’t you? That must be hard with your work pattern. Robin William’s death was such a shock for many people it seems. Me too. Like you I hate hearing about anyone’s suicide.
    You would think there would be more understanding in society, everyone must know someone whose life has been taken or affected by mental illness. But people still feel it is something alien to them and don’t want to be reminded or to think about the reasons and causes. I guess it’s understandable in a way, it reminds them of their fragility and humanity….which is frightening.

  10. I think that the reason people are so depressed has to do with our evolution as a race. In the old days, people had to work too hard to get so little and they didn’t have time to worry about things like their feelings, never mind TALKING about them! Technology has brought us farther from our physical selves and more into our internal selves, I think. Based upon my own experiences, my head is not a great place to hang out. LOL!
    It’s sooooo good that you are moving more and getting more in tune with your body’s basic needs. The diet, the exercise, all of it will help you! I’m proud of you, girlie! You’re a survivor.

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